ebenezer records

thankful for things, dreamy weather

2011-11-14T18:49:00.001-08:00

I am taking a turn in my blogging, no more song titles, just a constant update of what's going on, I honestly don't think anyone read these, but I like to look back on them. It has been awhile since I have been on here, but God has continued to bestow is blessings upon me.

I am so thankful for such a good transition and my students.

Just last week, I took 11 students and some high school "helpers" to Baltimore. Praise God for safety and fun; it truly was a blast. I love them, and love spending time with them. They have taught me what it means to be honest, genuine and the importance of consistency and devotion.

This Baltimore trip was amazing because I learned a lot about them when I interact with them, sure, I hear things like "I wish I had money" or "I always order off the kids menu because it's cheaper", but these students don't what my money, they want my time. They want me to love them, and invest in them, and even though they don't want to admit it..they want to learn. Some of them are scared to turn out like their dads or moms, some of them question their situation and the Lord, but they ALL want something-and they ALL need Jesus. They want attention and to be loved, and cared for...my prayer is that I can do that through Christ. That I can love them well; being a reflection of the One who loves and cares for us more than anyone else!

These kids are honest, they say how they feel, they say whatever they are thinking, but their honesty is so contagious, and I laugh so much. All the time, really. Between them, and time in the office with my co-workers, I am just learning and growing so much. It is an ongoing cycle. And slowly my students are beginning to understand that I am not just trying to have fun, but to come alongside them and help them "do" life.

It is crazy, but I am thankful for things and loving this dreamy weather. Really what I am doing is amzing to be a part of, I just love waking up and giving my day to the Lord.

May He be glorified, ALONE;

tash

God is Enough: Labor Day at NETwork

2011-09-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

It's Labor Day and I'm at NETwork. It's only a short walk down the street from my new apartment. I'm loving it. I do actually have work to get done, but thought I'd take a second to share some thoughts.

I miss camp, but the kids have been coming by today, and I am just excited for what is next. I start my FLAVA program in a couple weeks. It's challenging here but...I'm learning, I'm growing. I got a year older, an apartment, and started a new job all in one week. Car comes next week. God is so good.

I also came to the conclusion that I have a lot of stuff. I moved into my apartment, and realized that I have so many things, and if I am not going to use them to glorify God. I need to get rid of it.donate it. toss it.

Let us live above reproach. God is enough.

the transition.

2011-08-27T16:27:00.000-07:00

It seems as though almost everyone I know is experiencing a transition. Myself included.

Going back.
Leaving familiarity.
Moving blindly.
Accepting jobs.
Making decisions.

We question why we are called "to this place", we pray that we can trust God 100%. As I drove to an unfamiliar place with everything I owned in the back of the truck...my thoughts changed.

Aren't we always supposed to be ready and willing to do. (whatever it may be)

Matthew 4:20 (Immediately they left their nets and followed Him) This is it, the transition. As we pick up our cross, daily (Luke 9:23, check it) we should be constantly in transition, constantly evaluating and discerning where we think the Lord is leading us, and learning to trust Him more.

The 'inbetweens' are hard. We grow weary. We don't understand. We must be obedient.

My new prayers include boldness, and willingness, to see the calling and to be obedient to it. To do. I want transitions, reevaluations, rearranging. I want to find comfort in the transitions knowing I am right where God wants me.

TO DO what He wants. TO BE where He wants me. It's enough.

embracing the transition. here I stand.

...at this time next week I will have finished up my first couple days at NETwork ministries. This is a non profit organization that emphasizes spiritual growth, learning life skills, christian leadership, and academic excellence. the community has needs. the kids have needs.

I am excited. I am scared. I am ready for the transition.

Something Beautiful...

2011-07-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

here are the lyrics to the needtobreathe song:

'Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees.
I'm waiting for something beautiful

I love it. The acoustic version is definitely better. It hit me a little while ago that we are actually getting toward out halfway point this summer. That and the fact that I am leaving and probably won't be working at camp again. Not sure what to make of that.

I have been here in this community over a year now and it has been awesome. To see a good display what it means to have a family all love Christ together, working in an environment of amazing Christian men. It has really been a huge blessing to me and has rocked my world. It's beautiful.

all the things at camp, the kids, the fun, and I have been hoping and praying that something beautiful hits me when i get to chambersburg. i mean the kids will be there and so will the fun. I more so want to be able to realize the beauty of investing in a community, like i did in this one.

i will be somewhat permanent and i am going to have to settle. and that needs to be something beautiful.

spotters ready?

tashh

Manifesto: ab crunches, sleepy eyes, and flavors..

2011-06-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

well here i am blogging only ten minutes before a morning meeting we don't have but everyone things we do have so everyone is going to be there meeting.

summer has begun. staff are here. more staff are coming. God is manifesting himself here at this place.

M Dubs a.k.a Merriam-Webster says: manifest- readily perceived by senses, especially by the sense of sight, obvious.

I'd say it's pretty obvious God is present. Through the ab crunches I saw five counselors doing on the way up to the HPC. Through the sleepy eyes of leadership tends to have at the end of the week (and that counselors will have at the end of this week) and the coffee shop Flavors where I got to hangout with some amazing girls hired to work on staff.

God is all of those things. the servant hood, the leadership, the felllowship. it's nice when you can see it so clearly.

Good things are happening, people are being challenged and I am quietly in my yellow zone.

I look forward to seeing more glimpses of god in this amazing community He has brought together.

God Manifesto.

..to the only One who makes the moon reflect the sun

2011-05-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

well it is about time i posted.

i forget i have this blog. i just want to feel motivated to post and evidently that just happens like once a month or something. Either way God has been teaching me some amazing things.

did i mention i love 2nd Kings. i am a huge fan.

things that are happening, include: receiving and accepting a job in chambersburg, pa. -still scurrying to find summer counselors-realizing who God really is-understanding my gifts and abilities and how to use them-learning how to be a good godly leader-realizing how important friendships are.

things have been happening, but God is still as great as ever and so faithful despite my lack of any and everything.

the song starry night is in my head a lot, lately and i love the fact that He 'makes the moon reflect the sun'.

i remember when i first became a Christian one of the big things the speaker emphasized other then God being a great Father who was always around, was the fact that the world was made so awesomely. but seriously moon reflecting the sun, and being so beautiful at that.

also i experienced a really cute youth sunday yesterday and the idea of being adopted by God and receiving an inheritance was part of the sermon. the high schooler who was preaching was adopted into a loving family, and talked about something she still struggles with, and had a hard time grasping, but because of it can understand so clearly the idea of God adopting us. I think that's neat.

i actually think a lot of things are neato-burrito. the fact that God loves us. the fact that we make mistakes, and He forgives us, and the fact that we fail and God is consistently faithful, and merciful.

there is lots going on with friendships, and struggles with the life, but i can assure you that God is consistently remaining awesome. and that's Truth.

i have laughed a lot. and He keeps bring joy.

i pray that i may become a moon reflecting the Son. I know cheesy right? But really I want to be that. i need to be that. it's just getting there.

tash

Remember spring swaps snow for leaves...

2011-03-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the past week, but I am def. blogging with a specific agenda.

I chatted with someone while I was at SHIP, and this is the list I made while I was up one night on things that get annoying. List is titled: "Let us break the mold of habit" sub-titled the things I think, that aren't true, lies against Truth.

Let Us Break The Mold of Habit
The Things That Aren't True,
Lies Against Truth

[]I must make others proud
[]People can't be mad at me or dislike me
[]I must take on the standards of the world for success
[]I must be relevant at all costs
[]God calls me only to do hard, inconvenient things

and other thoughts turned into questions were:

{}How do I love God, and others with my whole being?
{}Why am I not letting God renew my mind?
{}Why am I not living simply?

These were my thoughts over the past few days, I sat down with a good friend of mine and just chatted about her past is effecting her view on God, essentially holding her back. Thankfully, I feel like my past doesn't do this-but chatting with her we talked through what it meant to be renewed. When the Bible talks about loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind...we need to commit and strive for all these things. Not letting our past experiences box [GOD]. I don't know...just something to ponder.

/Growing up without a father, my perceptions of God were tarnished, in a sense that although He seemed cool He seemed inconsistent. Not Truth just the experiences I grew up with. I mean, once I heard the gospel message clearly my past only by the Grace of God seemed to evaporate. God showed up so clearly, and real, and loving. Anywho, my friend has issues with her dad too.He was around, but was abusive, and well she started to try to make him happy to please him so she wouldn't get hurt, and to this day he never seems to be satisfied with what she does. It is a cycle her dad's dad did it as well BUT not she constantly is looking for that approval she is seeking from God, but instead of accepting what has already been given she is trying to earn not only her dad's approval BUT God's approval too.

/Thinking about this I realized this is something I do. Thinking reading my Bible today will somehow make God more proud of me then when I woke up, or God won't be proud or love me unless I am always doing something good, and when I sin God is really disappointed in me, and begins to love me less.

/The question is when can I/we get it through our thick skulls that God loves us? Notice that the line ends at us. God love us. He loves us. Despite us. God uses us. Despite us. There are things that are pleasing to God don't get me wrong. It's when we begin to seek approval not only from God, but from others that we get ourselves into the ongoing circle of nonsense. Woooo. That was a little long winded. Something to think about though.

It's funny that no matter how often you hear the Truth, it still needs to be heard. I think I am done.

Ash Wednesday

2011-03-09T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am going to try and blog once a week during Lent we shall see how that goes. I have started a new devotional that focuses on writing prayers down, and so here is the ASH Wednesday prayer entitled 'Caffeine'.

Wake up!
Wake up, my soul, from your winter slumber
and stretch your tired limbs to savor this season

Shake off your routines like bedcovers
Plant your feet on the ground
for the journey

Clear you eyes of sleep
Take in the sight of a new day
for loving you God

Feast on prayer and scripture
Attend to the holy life and in love
Do not weary

Wake up!
Wake up, my soul,
to experience your greatest joy
Be actively present in this day, in this season

God will refresh your spirit -Hackenberg

Ash Wednesday coming to a close.

Rainy

Here is what I wrote for today an excerpt:

O Lord God, You know-

Your spirit to fall fresh

Your blood to cleanse

Your love to shower

Your heart to heal

Restore me, Refresh me

Hydrate these dry dry bones
Tend to my wounds, that are so deep

I AM
I AM
I AM

Fill me with life again, counter my weariness

Lead me
No more dry bones! No more dry bones of my spirit.

tash

Your love is shaking me-my heart is breaking free...

2011-02-12T19:01:00.000-08:00

Love.Bridge Band.

This song shuffled through my itunes the other day, and it pretty much has been stuck in my head ever since. I have recently started my own version of the Daniel Fast in efforts to refocus on what is important and what truly matters.

It has been dubbed the "love fast" in my prayer journal. Just because I want to get back to the basics. I am a believer because Christ died for me, Showing LOVE. God LOVES me, and we are called to LOVE our neighbor. They are basic truths I am looking to get back too. Belief and trust play into this as well, because it is time. Time to live, live what we believe and show through that who we trust.

Lots of things like the Middle School bible study, and recent conversations are striking up thoughts. Did I mention I love those deep, real conversations? They are my favorite especially the theological ones. I really need to get back into all the reading I used to do on religions and the fun apologetics! Miss that!

New things are happening, old things are leaving,and I am praying God's love would shake me, this week especially.

I
Have
Bible
Carrots
Chair
Proceed

I'm out.

An brief update on life...

2011-02-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

I don't have to much to say. Things have been good, busy, and a little out of control.

This is the part of life that I like. I am in a good place, and look forward to what's next for me. I am not sure, I really am not, but the fact that God has already gone ahead like it says in Ephesians that is more than enough. He is good. God is so good.

I think I am going to fast. I feel the need to and I think I am well overdue. I am not sure what it is going to look like, but it's coming.

God continues to be faithful, and my biggest prayer is Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and renew a steadfast spirit within me".

Love it. Praying for it. Listening & Looking for it.

Here it comes.

Sidenote: Packers my favorite NFL team won the SuperBowl. Bragging about in my head right now.

Tash

Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve....

2011-01-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

Relient K 'i celebrate the day'

"Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency, we're less than half as close as I want to be"

Love this song because it's about Christmas, but the lyrics highlighted above are more about resolutions or that idea we have about New Years and it being ya know new and then getting to the end of the year and not keeping them. Who am I kidding my resolutions never lasted month.

They say it takes 31 days to break a habit, but only 1 day to break it. Those are not wonderful odds, and I am still not really sure what is ever meant by "they" in quotes/stats like these but I am not doing resolutions for a third year in a row because I am not looking to create habits. I am totally going for a lifestyle change. I want the things I do to be part of who I am not the other way around.

I am not one to do things just to do them, so I am hoping that because I love Jesus and want to love Him more these lifestyle changes will follow.

I do not want to be " less than half as close as i used to be" around this time next year.

In closing I am boycotting resolutions, and just deciding to love God with everything I am and more than ever before.

Riu, Riu, Chiu....

2010-12-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

Riu Riu Chiu by David Archuletta

My favorite Christmas carol. Because of the these lyrics...

Este qu’es nascido es el gran monarca
{He who is born is a great King,}
Cristo patriarca de carne vestido
{Christ the Patriarch clothed in human flesh}
Hanos redimido con se hazer chiquito
{He has redeemed us by making himself a child}
Aunqu’era infinito, finito se hizera
{Although he is immortal, he made himself mortal.}

'Hanos redimido con se hazer chiquito' I am happy and oh so thankful to be redeemed, restored, and made new. This Christmas scene, this year I have totally taken a new approach and have new understanding of the advent/Christmas season as we call it. More So-I have realized it in comparison to the rest of my year. Not only the we should be celebrating Christ yea round hoopla, but even in little things like gifts. The things that I have don't matter and I want to not only be focused on eternal things instead of earthly, but maintain that living year round and promote it to others. There a bunch of reasons to love Christmas, but the truth about being redeemed because the King of Kings decided to come as a babe, hits me hardest.

I want to live like it's true, and live redeemed. old self-buh bye clothed in righteousness, YES PLEASE! All this is Col 3. 1-17

Anywho, Happy Christmas. May we remember that we are redeemed.

Tash

Good Christian men rejoice, with heart and soul and voice....

2010-12-13T11:23:00.000-08:00

Good Christian Men Rejoice by Henrich Suso

It's a classic song that was picked to sing at Pioneer's night service yesterday. I love it.

Brief update today, and more tomorrow or the next day. Lots of traveling, lots of snow, and a new year on the way. Can it actually be halfway through December already.

I feel like I have learned more about myself and who God faithfully continues to be to me in this week than maybe in the past year. I am not even sure how to explain it, but with my pride on high and understanding where lie sin my life are believed, God has taught me and has continued to mold me despite my unbelief, or at least living like I don't believe.

I am going to start a girl's middle school bible study at the beginning of the year and I look forward to it! To be able to pour into middle school girls and just have good discussion. I can't wait.

Done for now.

Tash

This is my December, This is my time of the year...

2010-12-01T10:36:00.000-08:00

My December / Linkin Park

Decided to rock it old school. Just sayin' I am so excited. It's snowing, It's chilly and all of that makes today awesome.

I have been reading a CS Lewis devotional and it is making me really want to dive into The Pilgrim's Regress. I had never really heard of it until I started doing this daily devotional that has people reflecting on certain lines of CS Lewis' books and than adding words of wisdom and a bible verse. I figure the devotional is as deep as your taking it.

Today was awesome though. Apparently in the book [I just have to read it] the pilgrim who is seeking out this island which really ends up being Him seeking for God, he runs into reason and romance. Reason made sense to be, the Romanticism is that alignment for head and heart to coincide. That doesn't often happen, but I think a huge part of this which CS Lewis goes over again in Screwtape Letters is the perspective shift from seeking God to trying to find reason and peace for self totally about the feeling, ad about self. I think the term used was self-referential.

More of that pride stuff.

I am loving camp though, and to be completely honest so much more than I thought I would. The ministry done here is remarkable even in the off season and the camp families. Pretty much one of the coolest Christian communities I have lived in. It's really been awesome seeing great godly relationships across the board: families, fathers, parenting. Good examples for me. I will probably go off on a tangent about this at some point because it has ha a huge impact in my life, and my relationship with GOD. Yahtzee!

So how's camp? To quote McDonald's 'I'm loving it.'

Tash Tash

Your name, is a strong and mighty tower....

2010-11-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

Your Name By Philips, Craig, & Dean

This was what I typed in my iPhone one day just a note on this thing they are calling the "Gap Year" between college years and finding a career. And the other note is Perspective because well, after writing the Gap, I got a dose of humble pie.

i.hate.my.pride.

The Gap

This isn't what they said would happen. They said we'd find jobs quickly and a community easily. Things with friends wouldn't matter, and everything would be awesome. I think that it stinks a little bit.

We don't even have to call it the gap, we could call it the in between, the gap that occurs when you are young adult out of college not trained to do this 'real world' stuff. I'm not sure how you do it, but we aren't doing it right. I'm not doing it right.

Perspective

HE is to be our One and Only and I just don't know, I don't always live as though God is the all sustaining and all sufficient amazing God, even though, He's it! When it comes down to it, He's are everything, and so now I just want to say, I am sorry.

For all those times I put other people before Him, and ignored who He was. And for all those times I thought I could handle it. All by myself, I'm sorry for that too.

Done.

Natasha

Hungry, I come to You for I know you satisfy...

2010-11-19T04:43:00.000-08:00

Hungry by pretty much every artist, but David Crowder version is a fav. of mine.

When I think of hunger my first instinct is to think of the last time I ate, my next meal or as far as camp goes who should be at a meal who is doing other work instead/how can we get them food?.

I think that I have gone numb to the lack of food in our world and the number of people, esp. children that are starving for food.

I am doing the 30hour famine. I am in the midst of it as I type. It's been 8 hours since I ate and I am already feeling it. I still have clean water and Gatorade to drink at any point in time, and when I am ready to break my fast, a lot of food including April's yummy rock 'n rolls are at my disposal.

To me it has all become sad. I am taking even the simple of things not only for granted, but as my own. Both are wrong. 1 and 6 go to bed hungry every night, and that's not because they skipped a meal or decided not to eat for thirty hours. 1 billion people, I cant really fathom that, but that's a lot, and that statistic should never not mean something. Even while I do this famine, kids are dying everywhere not just from hunger, and not just in Africa.

SO the question is what's next? This is the step that Christians like myself, and even the Church get stuck on, that next step. The action step if you will. And so today my cause is hunger. Because what really is 30 hours. I mean I love the organization and the money they raise and the money the youth have raised, but afterwards how can we continue to think about those who are hungry and less fortunate. Really those that are in need. Sometimes I think I am in need, but after a semester in DC and a lot of time to think about my wealth...Def. not in need. My house, food, and space are all provided. I have more than enough.

And so my hunger should only be for the Lord, not in the stuff.

"Hungry I come to You for I know you satisfy". What a line.

My cause today will be world hunger, knowing God can take up our causes and fight for us.

Psalm 37:5-6 (NIV) Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: [6] He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Praise GOD for taking up our causes.

Tash

Rid me of myself, I belong to You....

2010-11-17T12:10:00.001-08:00

Lead Me To The Cross by Brooke Fraser/Hillsong

A song that I have grown to love. A lot of the time I am not really into that popular Christian praise music other than in church, but the line is so good. Here are the lyrics to the chorus. Tell me they aren't awesome.

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

It speaks wonders into my life, because pride as always is my struggle and it seems to be embedded in my flesh so it's nice to have been 'ridded' of myself. I don't know though. It's really hard, but has been my prayer because I want my only motivation to be loving Him and loving others. I want that to be why I am living and why I do everything I do, and it's def. not. Sometimes, but not enough of the time.

And so I am boasting when I am weak, knowing God is the only one who will give me the strength to rid me of myself.

May I NEVER forget who I belong too.

Tashie

This Is The Correlation of Salvation & Love....

2010-11-16T04:01:00.000-08:00

Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin

I was thinking about blogging yesterday, and then remembered I had one. I am back in action, and can't wait to see what will unfold.

Toodles for now, but not for long.

Not to much is going on here as an intern, but I am seriously questioning and contemplating what is next. I am not sure what's next grad school, city life, urban ministry, traveling, camp ministry, youth ministry, journalism, so many options, and I am just asking the Lord for direction and guidance. We shall see, there's time. I'm not worried.

Enjoy life today.

Tash

everything, everything will be just fine...

2010-07-20T11:38:00.001-07:00

wowsers.

i am at camp and have not posted in awhile. i am back at camp and it has been challenging, and hard but also good and just a blessing to my life. in ways im sure idk yet, but its been great.

my ministry looks different entails a lot of different things but i am thankful for the challenges. Also i miss be a counselor but God has called me to this position this summer i am sure of it. and thats enough!

also im looking for jobs now which is stressful, but a lot of prospects which is great, right?

idk. idk. idk.

peace out.

roll away the stone...

2010-06-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

so i think that camp becomes home as soon as you hit the hill. im a doing wonderfully, i miss dc not gonn lie the transition is a little weird but overall it has really been awesome the staff seems fantastic and i can't wait for the summer. i am excited but nervous but ahhh it is just going to be a great summer. i think 'Polly' used the term renewal. that's kinda what i am seeking i want to fill to fill others and there is nothing like doing that at camp. im praising the God above right now wholeheartedly because well....that is what he deserves all the time.

its more of a see you soon dc rather than a goodbye.

love and posting

tash tash

...i gotta feeling...

2010-05-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

this song was in my head and is the reflection of this peace...

dear God,

there are men on the streets shouting lies about Your truth, guys on streets beggng for mercy of sorts and i just walk because tonight was a good night? i had a feeling.

atune to Your spirit atoned by Your love.

tonight is not a good night. the hurt is crushing and the tears are flooding and not this not okay. i have a feeling.

i keep praying for more love, less pride , and anything that will make me feel what You felt at any point in Your ministry. guilt isn't it and the seasonal compassion won't do the trick.

i'm going to miss Your city and the things in it that have revealed who You are. i have loved it. But it's more than that.

this long extended intern mission trip is over. may i now seel Your face in the hills, in the great friends, and new ones to come, i must find You here for You are a God of both the city and the rolling hills.

i must find You because You are. You are and i am broken down and world's torn to shreads, on my knees, humbled and ready as a servant of You, ready for any and everything that has to do with You. this is the feeling.

i love You because You loved, and continually to love me, and it IS enough this time, it's enough!

GB, GOD

...and that You may feed teh world through me...

2010-05-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

all i know is that my title of thois post is a Gaither song, not sure what it is but my boss sang it. here is an update and a raw cut of what is to come.

CSM has been the most amazing experience i have ever had. i am probably hostin gmy last group this week and they have been fantastically amazing. i am def. continuing to learn a lot about myself. i could go on and on explaining what i did but really i jsut tried to serve in every aspect in every chance i got. it really has been great being back i love my co-workers and the gorups that come in and now i am leaving for camp.

this is exciting in itself....from city to country from urban to rural from students to staff. from training to training. this summer i know my perspective on the summer has changed. i love Ligonier, i love what they do i love what they offer and i love how they create an experience just like CSM does. ahhhh how my worlds will be torn apart and recreated this summer. i just don't want to forget this city and what i learned here as i battle on how to apply. a full time job with CSM would be fantastic...just sayin'

idk there is so much more i could add here but yea. last friday i spent some time alone went and saw date night...got some chipotle and as i was walking up Georgia Ave a street in D.C. i wrote this....well i think i am going to post it separate but yes... new staff at CSM is great i am hoping to at least see and meet their needs while i am here BUT i will miss them and yet i am so excited for the summer staff that i will get to interact and train with. im so pumped for my summer even though it won't be here. i am so excited to get away and reflect and just enjoy the hills of Ligonier...nto to mention some of my favorite people will be there : )

next entry is probably my last one about dc from dc.

peace and posting : )

jammin'

2010-04-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

its from a bob marley song. : )

so i haven't blogged much lately, didn't even make it through holy week online, but in my journal i did. and that was a goo fresh start on devotion for me. i have a new group this week. junior high. did i mention how much i love junior highers. they may in fact be the coolest thing on earth, and the group i have had and will continue to have for the next 2 days or so has been awesome.

first off they prepared for a whole year. thats a whole year of discipleship and growing together. thats awesome. it def. sets a great tone for this groups week of service. did i mention this group is fantastic. they are all about spreading the Gospel in anyway and my first group to deliver food with food and friends and then offer to pray for the clients. it may in fact have been the neatest thing ever!

i feel like sometime middle school gets over looked, but this group is the little bread and few fish that Jesus keeps pouring out to the crowd abundantly. who is the crowd you ask? any and everyone who they can relationally minister too : )

they are cool more to come after dcck and plunge.

tash tash

and praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead...

2010-04-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

Jesus paid it all by well all version are good (awesome hymn)

there are not enough nor any words to describe what i am feeling. i dont use this lightly when i say this word has been God to me. like seriously inspiration and passion and everything in between. im not sure if they will ever realize the impact they have had on me this group of 16-18 high schoolers and there leaders have been an awesome blessing here at csm.

i could go on but it is definitely a conversation that needs to happen in person. but yea...i definitely have just been changed by them. more so the God that they have been showing me.

but this week is slowly coming to a close which i am so sad about but i know that good things are here and coming and going and He is Lord always.

today is foot washing thursday. Jesus cleaned the feet of His disciples of all the poo and scum and dirt, but he also cleansed their hearts. it was about holiness not hygiene.

more on that later.

Jesus paid it all. all to Him i owe. sin had left a crimson stain He washed it white as snow.

i wanna know the kiss thats always new...

2010-03-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

only you by plumb (awesome song...check it out.)

i feel like after working with csm my whole life is going to be a debriefing. my views are changing daily about every situation every issue every struggle.

i have been struggling a lot lately not in if i should do something or not but how that should look. i can continue to serve where needed expressing the love that God has shown me through working at organizations or eventually starting my own non-profit here in the city...kinda like Jesus performing miracles serving the communities needs as the opportunity arose. or i can take any political science background i have and fight for some of these injustices making others realize they should be loving and try to prevent injustices from re-occurring like Jesus in the temple raising tables because He had a passion and a duty to honor the Lord, and love Him with every part of our being.

there were other things i did today martha's table-delivering food in the soup kitchen on wheels, and cutting lots of carrots and hotdogs at dcck today, but i feel like this struggle weighs in on my heart at all times.

here is what i love most-talking to people about God just discussing aspects of life at its core. and getting into the deep stuff, because that vulnerability and rawness of conversation creates growth that comes from nowhere else, and this may be why i love people and am energized when i am around them. i just think that people are my sure glimpse into the kingdom and the heart of God. idk. i also need to be able to maintain my quiet time in the morning, because Jesus did go off on His own to pray as well. but when i fill in the morning i just want to pour out all day. esp. into these kids.

the group we have now. they all have it. the passion. the light. and they are shining His glory all around, and it is just sooooo addicting to see and soooo contagious. they are refreshing.

i ate old city again tonight, but i really do love every aspect of my job even the repeats.

tash tash

Your love is strong...

2010-03-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

Your Love is Strong by Jon Foreman. (Check this song out, fabulous)

so many emotions. so many colors and feelings.

i got a new group yesterday and i am so thankful to co-host with mo again. and this group i am very thankful for as well. my word to describe today was encouraging because that is all that is happening today. i was encouraged by this group and everything about them. how real and authentic they are. how passionate they are to serve our God. and how they are intentional about worshiping with their whole lives. not for one song. or one church service.

so much to reflect upon this holy/passion week, but i want to dive into the different part of the bible study devotional thing these students are doing this week. first we read in john 19 (unit 3 scripture skit) where the jews bring Jesus before pilate. and this devotional book asks what are kings are? a line in the scripture verse says "we have no king but caesar"....who is your caesar?

my caesar is as of now my vocation. at least a big one is. i feel like my job makes it so easy and yet so hard to put God first, and really realize how much it is not about me. i think that it is a daily and constant struggle, but by the grace of God i get humbled everyday and get a glimpse into God moving into this city.

may we begin to realize the humbleness in being His hands and feet. may our hearts constantly bow at the one who creates, and is in all things no matter how great or small. and may we know that although He could do this all on his own He chose us to do His works with out stretched arms of love and grace.

i have no more to reflect on right now, but definitely will digest on this week for many more days to come.

other things that happened today that i did not mention: downtown cluster-lunch at union with mo-tennessee group singing for the elderly-handing out soup on the streets-praising the Lord through song with 16 passionate senior highers who love our Lord and Savior-sharing a middle eastern meal-ms. karen williams (coolest van driver ever)-time to meet kids one on one.

amen.

You are my Joy, You are my Joy, You are my Joy, You are my Joy....

2010-03-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

You are my Joy, by the david crowder band.

(one should really check out this song because often when things are repeated they create a connection, and they always seem to get me excited and want to dance around. check out this song.)

so. for the next week i have promised myself to blog everyday. it is holy week (at least in the episcopal tradition) so i will be blogging every day of holy week, starting now. my blogs also are going to get a little more organized in thought (only for you r. wingle, since you are the only one i know who actually reads my blog, regularly)

this weekend was quite fabulous. after making a hard decision and enjoying a week of relaxation, i had a group friday-saturday, just for 24 hours. it was weird not having a group for a whole week and then all of a sudden having a small group for less than two days, but it was rejuvenating. they had a fresh, awesome outlook on who God was and who they were in Him. it not only filled my spirit, but really got me thinking about the city, and how different people from different backgrounds relate to the city.

everything about this group spoke Jesus to those they encountered, especially me. they had decided to do this trip after spending time at urbana (a conference) and realizing a need to do urban ministry. since they were local, they found csm and wanted to serve in the city and get a glimpse into what is happening, what is really happening here in d.c.--as they left the group realized d.c. is more than the national mall or the yearly cherry blossom festival, and there are so many opportunities to "love their neighbor".

when they did the urban exposure experience,(urban exposure/plunge= the students are given $2 each for a meal, and are split into groups to learn and experience homeless culture in d.c.-they do this on their own so the city host gets time to just hang out & relax/plan a great debriefing) i got a chance to relax and hang out in union station chatting with a homeless lady that i have seen at pretty much every ministry site we go to that gives food. (she is such a sweet heart) immediately she recognized me and came over to hug me right after i took my first bite of my cheesy gordita crunch. (shout-out to taco bell) we talked for awhile, i was able to help her edit a case she is trying to present to a judge, and then we walked to eastern market. i had a great time hanging out with her. after wards she walked towards ccnv (very large homeless shelter sleeps 1350) and i headed back to union station.

on my way back to union station i saw some of my other buddies who were homeless, and they were just carrying on...telling jokes and what not. i had so much fun with them. they were thrilled that i remembered what their names were and a little about each of them. they even remembered my name and what i did. five minutes into our conversation they were asking me 'do you have a group coming around today...we loved that hotlanta group'. (last time i met them they ended up meeting my group who was doing urban exposure) i could have broken down in tears of joy when one guy, pulled out his phone and there was a picture of the atlanta group as his screen saver. he said 'i had to take a picture of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ because they took the time to pray for me the other week'.he went on to say that by the grace of God his needs were met and that God had heard their prayers.

we hung out some more, they even gave me an express newspaper to sit on so my butt wouldn't get cold on the cement divider we were sitting on. we also rocked out to stevie wonder, i even got to share a few of my dance moves. (want to see some of my dance moves? check out ytyouthgroup)

fast forwarding to what has to be the best part of my weekend. today. i was debating whether to go home to my church, or to hit up the national cathedral, because it's palm sunday and for some reason i wanted a palm. it eneded up working out. because i could not get myself moving earlier this morning, i ended up at eb's national community church. it was a not an accident that i was there. there is nothing like worshiping our Lord between to of your favorite homeless men of d.c.. not only was it humbling, it was just a beautiful taste of the kingdom. God just looks at our hearts. just our hearts. both men i had met numerous times. one of which remembered me very well.

we got to talking before the service and he said that he had in fact met my group just yesterday. he said he loved how they were so willing to listen, and he said that they made him feel special and reminded Him of how much God loves Him. he was a really cool guy. we even chatted about guys liking pink. He took a strawberry doughnut from our church's refreshment table and he quickly turned it over. He said" don't judge me because i have a pink doughnut". i laughed and told him that it really is okay for guys to like pink things and it just makes them more man-ly. he laughed and then we went down to service which was in fact amazing!

it was pastor mark who preached the last sermon on our tears series today. He preached on so much, but my favorite quote was sometimes 'God has to hurt us to heal us.' which makes so much sense especially when he used sheep as an example. he talked about shepherds who break legs of their sheep so they won't wander away. if the sheep were to wander it cold get eaten by wolves so when the sheep is being stubborn a shepherd would break the leg of the sheep to keep it safe.

i thought about this for awhile this afternoon. To that sheep it probably seems so harsh that the shepherd breaks your leg, but to the shepherd he is doing whatever he can to keep from losing that sheep to the wolves. reminds me a little of God going to great lengths to try and win our hearts like pastor heather talked about.

i could keep going but staff meeting is coming up followed by a large group for the next week. i will be writing more tomorrow. happy palm sunday.

You are Joy.

Tasha

i lift my eyes up to the heavens where does my help come from....

2010-03-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

well what a week i have had with my group and ytyouthgroup i just ahhh have had an amazing week just growing into this challenge of howting and what is next for me...

this is an excerpt of what i wrote on my iphone a couple of days ago:

not okay, this is not okay. people should be able to pay bills... stuff shouldn't be taken while it's out on the streets. everyone should have home, a place to stay and people to love them. This world has sunken to an all time low for me. my first task this afternoon being to keep a girl from seeing her stuff all over the ground. her mom didnt pay the bills, her mom is barely 20 with two kids both under age of six. and you tell me that everyone has a voice. i dont know what this is anymore. its def. not america at least not what dem forefathers intended. no one should even hit the streets unless their walking. and i dont know what is next i honestly dont know where to start but its time to start to do something to change something because it has been wrong way to long....

i feel guilty and sadden but mostly feel a tug on my heart the church must rise because it is time for me to do more. we tend to be safe in our own strength. because it is going to change dc. and to change this nation/world and i cant idk whether to cry every night or protest every day. i just know that i must do something because our sin has entangled us so far all of us. my selfishness is poisoning, staying safe has become hazardous.

and like i said idk but i do know that it isnt right and we need to start something ahhh do i act in love of fight for love.

so this is what i wrote straight form my h-e-a-r-t and this job is very humbling and very just ahhh sometimes so hard to maintain joy for the people im working with the people im serving without being sadden by what they are experiencing and part of compassion is feeling what they feel and taking it on as your own as Jesus did.

ahhh i struggle with whether o act in love through service as i am doing or to fight for love and respect and justice in with promoting awareness and trying to shape policy perhaps on k street...ahhh idk. all i do know is that i need to do something i must do something i must be changed i must be different i cannot be the same.

there is more a lot more to be pondered and thought about but right now the question s which route of love i take and thinking about it Jesus took both He acted in love with his miracles and sharing his heart and compassion with everyone he met and with that he also fought hard for love with the overturning of tables and the dying on the cross and even within his acts of love he somehow managed to be fighting for love in the political realm of the areas he went to so right now i am in the in between but i know for sure that i am blessed abundantly, there is no other place i am supposed to be right now, and things must change because its not okay out there when anyone is on the streets that wants a bed.

more to come about the gorup in the week.

tasha

a combination of like a flood His mercy reigns..and that You would that You would reign in us...

2010-03-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

sigh (one of those excited dont know where to begin kinds sighs)

this week last week my job all amazing it has been very interesting and i should start blogging more often so i can keep some type of order/detail to these post but God is at work despite my selfishness...here we go quick synopsis on last weeks group...

catholic group from new york, amazingly open to hearing and learning more about God and really enjoyed the CSM trip! I am excited because God used me despite any and everything at all to be an example to who He is and who He continues to be. ahhhh the week was great...one of my fav parts besides the epic debrief at the linky memorial was a break i took while my group was at central union mission (hotlanta shout out here) anywho i walked to bens chilli bowl to drop of dinner orders and then on the way out i walked back down the street a different way and there is a whole 'nother story to go along with that but yea....basically i passed every meaningful place i have served in some capacity...i can't give you to may examples but some are this...a school-where i slept when i went to newark, new jersey and did the vbs in the school, new cement being placed on the sidewalk like my trip to mississippi/alabama and a few other including central union mission in atlanta i helped at.

anywayz that was a brief story but yea the week was really great and my group was just awesomely amazing and flexible and the weekend i got to see my family and eat at the cheesecake factory and it was just a great time, and spent the weekend relaxing...

now onto ncc which will be moving to columbia heights wahooo. i am really liking the church. today pastor heather rocked it talking about jeremiah it was amazing. and all of jeremiah comes down to God wanting are heart so bad He will go to extreme measures to capture your heart...

there's eight seconds left in overtime.....

2010-03-08T02:15:00.000-08:00

this lifehouse song was in my head this morning....i have already had a group turnover thus far and my new group is smaller...there are about eight of them. which makes for a very different type of trip. but ill brief you on my old group first..

it was a group of about 23 students and adults and they were just a fabulous first group to work with. We went to a bunch of different places including charlie's place, and roja which i feel like i have talked about before, a place that i hadn't mention was vision dc which is actually a piece of world vision. it was a huge storehouse kinda that contained a whole bunch of not only school supply type resources but also basic needs. the group i was with was able to unpack a few things that were soon to be shipped to haiti so that was neat..

prayer tour, middle eastern, and jamaican food were soon to follow. overall it was a great experience...we even had a chance to teach the group signs...[thank you boiling springs youth group]

some things that i noticed with this group were just how they viewed the city as outsiders because of their background, and how much they blessed people with not only there time but monetarily as well, including mo and i.

i mean there is so much i could say about my last group and about how God is changing me and kinda what he is calling me too, but this next group is headed to some here shortly, and i don't think i can put into words just yet was has been going on so i will be sharing at some point, but it has been amazing to see God move in this city...

a few other things that are totally God-awesome i saw amanda from school specifically my oas class and she is back in dc as well doing americorps so i am very excited to be seeing here from time to time, also the newman group that is here now, one my amazing roommates was in a newman group at ship, which just makes the group i have now pretty cool, and idk things keep happening i keep meeting new people like faith from mo's group that are i think just giving me input into whats next.

i can tell you also that youtube youth group is officially starting today. tom and allan from camp and i are going to be enveloping ourselves in the youtube community for as long as we possible can just so we can start encouraging and digging deep into the word with some teenagers and such who may usually go to youth group or who go and just want to learn more...it really is an awesome project that i have been praying about i just didnt know...there is a lot on my heart for young people especially those that i have been hanging out with and since a lot a lot of young folks are on youtube it is about time the gospel is moved there as well.

i love you god and plenty more to come as i begin with this group.

[The God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

But I put you on just like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle ....

2010-03-02T18:29:00.000-08:00

today kristen played this song in the car by derek webb and i could have fallen over by how amazing the lyrics are...good thing i was sitting and buckled lol.

we have a group coming tomorrow and apparently the next 22 days so i am hoping i don't go through the motion, but can really be in the moment all the time. God never ceases to amaze me in His awesomeness...the past few days mo and i have been doing directions so hopefully we will be set for the group tomorrow...there is stuff yet to do like cleaning and things that we will take care of tomorrow!

n to to much pondering today and yesterday just this song that i will be meditating on for a bit...so much good stuff in here...o and i am going to do a you tube youth group with some peeps from camp...should an amazing thing!

and here is the lyrics to the song...
If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all Id ever need
or is there more Im looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
Im a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I dont trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husbands jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

love and soda

blessed be the name of the Lord blessed be Your name..

2010-02-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

well today i am really going to enjoy my sabbath. i know a bunch of people from camp would be proud! i am finally learning what it means to rest in the Lord so it will be a great day of resting and restful things...i will update more when i blog next week, but the group comes in on wednesday and i cannot wait!

tasha

this is my daily bread, Your very word spoken to me....

2010-02-27T17:57:00.000-08:00

well i could update you on everything and talk about today in major details but it will literally take a lifetime to explain all that God has been doing but i will overview briefly...

the first group from washington and lee was awesome...it ends up they know a few of my laurel high pals which is also cool! damian who came to visit and i went to the spy museum and five guys always clutch. if you have not been to either one of these, get there!

ummmm but lets just say this all started out with psalm 40 i read the other day that's when i knew God wanted to get my attention...if you get a chance to read it do it because it is a testimony to who God is and what he does...

psalm 40 vs. 7-8 the message:

So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party
you're throwing for me."
That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.

but then i enjoyed a friday of awesomeness meeting pastor bob and seeing the fruit of his harvesters...and a bunch of other stuff and then today mo and i went to jasons-city director-church for an acquire the fire youth workers training and it was awesome and encouraging to see so many who love youth there to learn how to impact and raise up new leaders in there youth group whatever the size...and i love youth and i love kids and i just thing that God is doing some great things with this next generation...and its not me which means i am getting a little older but the new generation is ready and i want to go alongside them and aid not hinder...this is my prayer...

at the conference a huge theme was about not only picking leaders but making them into the leaders you want them to be a leader after God's heart which includes calling them out in love...knowing that you are creating a culture...leading by example...there is so much more i learned but i go now to an awesome part of my day...

mo and i were riding the metro and there was a small girl sitting across the aisle from us with what seemed to be her grandmother...the train slowed down and in my head i was like come on why the heck is this train going so slow i want to get to church and all this stuff...you know how our minds wander...but the next thing i know this small girl shouts really loudly from the window...this is the fastest train ever! i was immediately humbled because so often i miss not only the big picture God has set out, but also how amazing the small things actually are and because i am always caught up in the next thing i miss out on how fast the train is really going and how amazing the train is for even going at all...o and there was more to this lesson to follow...i went to ncc this evening...

national community church is known for meeting in theaters in the dc metro area...they also have an awesome coffeeshop ebenezers like a block from union station i tried to make the 5 oclock service and that ended up actually being a 4:30 service and even though i was only 10 minutes late there were no more seats so they gave me a gift card to get a coffee at there coffeeshop and told me to come back at 6pm. i am glad that i stayed because it was a great service...very talented worship leaders it wasn't to glitzy and glamoreie and the best part is the pastor ( which actually was a video of the previous service) preached form the word of God and the following are noted form his kick-off sermon of a new unit tears...

pastor mark explained that tears are amazing things...God made only humans with the ability to use tears to show emotion...and that tears have in them certain things to aid us...bacteria fighters...pain killers our tears are composed of a lot of awesome substances...composed by God made in His image... but the sermon was actually about Job and all this suffering and how we always look at it in just a temporal state when we ened to try and look at it from a n eternal standpoint...he outlined that suffering is either because of our sin, a testing, or a spiritual attack..and pastor mark made sure he clarified that a lot of times we blame God when we should be annoyed and angered by the devils attack...or understand that a test is to refine and prepare us for something else. he said suffering is about "sanctification and glorification" and he quoted one of my fav interactions with Jesus and his disciples...i think it is in john 9. the disciples and Jesus come across a blind man and the disciples immediately ask who sinned..."was it him or his parents that sinned here?" and Jesus answers neither this man is blind so that the glory of God can be shown...

the sermon i thought was excellent it really addressed suffering at its core or what i sometimes refer to as stormy weather...like we have these storms and these times when we suffer whether it is a bad day or a death of a close family member or friend...but we are called and promised not only that there will be a storm but that as long as we stay in the will of God we will make it through the otherside and sometimes we get so caught up in our comfort rather than Gods glory and this is huge we are called to more and we are responsible to our own attitude which can always be controlled no matter what situation we are called to more than just react...

and you know job got to a point where he was at the end of himself and was fully relying on God and God redeemed him...and yes job still went through some terrible stormy weather but there is redemption and the opportunity for Gods glory to be shown through the suffering...and God promised he would bring us through.

and I end with psalm 40: 11ish

Now God, don't hold out on me,
don't hold back your passion.
Your love and truth
are all that keeps me together.

tasha

everywhere that i go......

2010-02-26T05:59:00.001-08:00

i never came back to finish this post but just know as i continue to update this blog when i feel led...that God is at work in this city and in my life...

tasha

im falling on my knees, offering all of me...

2010-02-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

the passed few days have been pretty interesting. i have been doing work so it has been really hard to do anything else like keep up with people on the phone or just write some encouragement letters. it really has been tough to find free time and just idk have a routine schedule.

but this group that we had was just fantabulous. they were open and willing and just i think a great blessing to have them first. they were a college group from washington and lee out of lexington va. pretty diverse group all around my age so it made it easier to get to know them.

ummm monday we worked a geriatric day care and that was fabtastic. i loved meeting ms. newman...she was my favorite. we kinda just hung out and did a few activities with the elderly and levi-one of the w&l students-played piano but damian-previous spring host who returned to help-he was trying to get this old lady involved in really anything...most of the elderly at this place have some sort of dementia...the lady did not want to do anything at all and damian practically did everything to get her involved which was just awesome to watch and see how dedicated he was to want her to stay and to consistently keep trying it was just awesome...that place really was awesome and like margaret who kinda coordinates the volunteers she was just full of the spirit and was just so patient and wow what she does just requires a lot of will and strength and well God. in the afternoon we helped out at this after-school program roja and met all these wonderful kids. ms meneta who runs the center was just awesome and gave the kids something to look forward to after school. This post is to be continued....

and here is the continuation..i feel inspired and not tired : )we tweaked to cater the group we all went to a vietnameese spot down in va called eden plaza, the group had a vietnameese student the only student who wasn't a believer and overall i think it turned out well to change the eating spot. but i stayed in like an emergency medical care place with one of the leaders which was interesting but good, and it def. gave me some time to think when i was sitting waiting for her. i realized one how amazing my job is and just how awesome my job is and just how service might look different.....and the Corinthians verse about many service but having the same Lord.

the following morning we woke up early and worked at so others might eat(some) and it was a great time...john there kept trying to make me a like supervisor of the group which was funny....i like some which is a very famous soup kitchen, the obamas have served there too...but they serve about 800 meals a day and it is a very fast paced environment, super organized, and your ministry is totally in everything going well. when they set the tables it has to be perfect because they want everyone who walks in the door to be treated with dignity and respect...basically loved...and that is Jesus in a nutshell. and no one is turned away. it is an awesome place which i am sure i will tell you about more...this weekend i may actually frame each ministry sight for you...soo when i talk about them you know what we are doing, but it is an awesome place and what hit me the hardest was the amount of young people that walked in the door...i have yet to see a lot of kids but so many young peeps like 20-25 i served...we also met a group from cua (catholic university of america) when we were there.

after some we went to roja again on tuesday and we planned games...i played a few camp game slike captain's coming...and a few others but it was all around a good day there with ms meneta and all was well then it was urban plunge which will get its own post later when i am in the coffeshop..

this seems to be a lot of details and since my eyelids are closing and we have an early morning i am going to sleep but i am so thankful for everything and mo has been really awesome and its been great meeting damian and being able to ask him questions about hosting in stuff.

signing off....

tash

You love to light up the darkness here...through us

2010-02-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

i have been in d.c. for almost a week and it has really been amazing. i know that God has awesome things in store and although i can't pin point one huge thing i have learned this week all the small things are adding up. the experiences i am having at csm are def. shaping me and transforming my views on a lot of things.

it's funny because i love what i am doing and want to be serving God in the city, but then this other part of me after starting to see what contributes to what with homelessness and other issues of the city i want be on capitol hill trying to change legislation..but just remembering that really gov't does not change things just God and knowing that where ever i am he can use me to make a diff. or light up the darkness...

and what i have been experiencing as much as i love this bridge band song which lines sing "You love to light up the darkness here, through us" my job here at csm is not only to light up the darkness...but to bring more light to lit places.

it's interesting after coming here and contrasting with my atl trip last year how much i love people that are homeless,and hearing there stories. I mean the lady nikki that mo and i met she gave us the gospel and just was so encouraging to us so i just love how God uses all people to preach.

i also have noticed how many things i could be doing to praise God and i don't...just like using some talents and blessings he has given me to the best of my ability. so i am going to begin trying to do this...

let's see what i have missed we worked with and organization called food and friends which may be my fav. that we work with they are very efficient and organized and just so reliable but they to meal deliveries mostly to be HIV, but many other illnesses...but i really like them and mo and i delivered food with jason-director and it was really good and we also went back to children of mine where i spoke about shoveling before and were able to just hangout with kids and they enjoyed our company. mo was holding it down danicing, and drawing for the boys, her performing & arts talents are beautiful examples of the glory of God and she continues to use her talents with a passion which is awesome...actually it's amazing to see and very humbling for me.

but things are going great i was able to hang out with julie raf. from camp and chat with her just about what God has been doing and it was just so great to see her and hangout at a coffee shop and just catch up : )it's always great to see someone from camp. always!

"fill us up so Your love will overflow, heaven come to earth, and light up the darkness here, and we love to light up the darkness here. through us."

tasha

and the glory of it all is You came here....

2010-02-18T16:21:00.000-08:00

its that time again.

i am not finding it necessary to blog everyday but we will see how regular i can make it. i only want to blog when i feel inspired.

yesterday and today were both great days. let's see yesterday we started with devos and it was mo's turn to tell her story. which i loved hearing the story that God gave her. she did a fabulous job and i am so excited to be working with her and having a group soon. i feel like the past two days we have gotten to bond a lot.

yesterday we did a exercise 'urban plunge' that our groups will in fact be doing when they get to the city and we each had two dollars and had to do all these things at dupont circl interacting with the people that were homeless and stuff it was a great time. we met mikey and nikki. nikki ended up just being her street name but it was a great time. God ended up leading mo and i back to nikki at a later time that afternoon/evening.

christine mary [nikki] was very inspiring...it reminded me a lot of atlanta and i just realized how much i not only love homeless people but i love hearing their stories. christine was a believer so we got to hear all about how God has been working in her heart and before we left we were able to pray with her. it was a good time.

we also went to ben's chilli bowl for lunch which was great. i loved my half-smoke. this is one of the place's that we will take our groups when they come so i probably won't eat there much on my own but with groups i am hosting. did i mention how excited i am.

today we started the morning with the story God gave Kristen which i def. loved hearing. God is sooo good. after devos and a quick session on debriefing which reminded me a lot of camp...lccc : )...mo and i were sent on a scavenger hunt all over the city can you say soooooo much fun. we were all over the metro and all over dc-se,ne,nw it was fantabulous.

i also stopped in college summit and was able to see some peeps that helped start the program at my school. i hope to start working with them soon- volunteering maybe on my off days. i joined the alumni connection though so i at least will be in there database.

our scavenger hunt ended with a trip to pollo grajero which is a peruvian place. another place mo and i will be bringing groups. i almost....forgot on our scavenger hunt we had to find this coffeehouse 'ebenezer coffehouse' which is owned by a church and it was the most fantastic hot chocolate i have ever had. we also saw dan 'csm prez' and kristin 'csm ad' it was great to see them though and too find a christian hangout spot too.

all in all to really good days but the best part is really seeing God in the city. it was just a wonderful time and i hoping for many more lessons to come my way.

love God-love people.

tasha

and the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair...

2010-02-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

love those relient k lyrics.

thus far this internship has been awesome it is only day two but it has really has been awesome.

monielle[mo] who is here with me has been really cool to get to know she has been an inspiration just able to see God in almost everything...and she is lockin' her hair too...but she has really been great. we cleaned a lot yesterday which whenever i clean and begin to think about how hard it is i remember that to clean me God had to do a lot more than scrub gross old ice cream out the freezer or mystery brown stuff out of the bottom of the fridge.

idk God has really been working already just to be in engaged with other believers who can challenge me without even knowing it and living in community again and serving. i am really trying to regulate my complaining and be objective in even the smallest of conversations.

today was the first day of training so it was cool to hear jason's story and to do bible study with kristen..idk i could ramble about the small things about how my room is set up or all the food we have or the awesome eat outs i have already been to but i will save that for another time i guess, but so far so good.

we already have hw and it just happens to be the same handout i got at camp 2 years ago but yea im ready for what the Lord has and im ready for focus to be off of me...

lent is coming up tooo which is also a good time to reanalyze my world and make it so it is only His....let go give up whatever control i thought i had and learn to live by loving God and loving people.

ohhhh i almost forgot we talked to one of the site directors when we were shoveling snow at a basketball court for the after school hangout spot in southeast children of mine. then the snow blower camp so after we quickly finished up we went inside and talked to ms. hawkins. there is a huge back story on her also for another day but she was telling us about her neighbors son who was shot basically because he did not have a cigarette on him. and when she is telling the story another woman there ms. phyllis who didn't get the whole story so she began using kristen and i as examples and then she pointed at us and said it could have been any of us and idk it just seemed so real to have someone tell me that and actually think through how i could die at any moment really any of us could and yet i live and have so many possessions like i will be here forever. yeah..totally not true. we won't be here forever so it's about time i start storing in heaven rather than here.

we also walked to a sweet coffee shop and just chatted with some of the guys there..there is so much more to this day than i can write in a blog but it was a great day.

im just praying to continue seeing God in all the small things of this city.

'only speak if it improves on the silence.'

tash

i don't want to work i just want to bang on a drum all day...

2010-02-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

haha.

I love this song because it is really cute but it is quite the opposite I do want to work and in a few hours I begin my internship! I am so so excited and well it's going to be amazingly life changing I am sure.

I will be blogging regularly and hopefully sharing all my thoughts and reflections here so that I am able to reflect on them when I am finished

all i want to do is love God and Love people nothing else really matters to me not my stuff not my possessions.

here we go.

<3

i don't want to box You in, You've been doing big things since the world began...You're big enough...

2010-02-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

i am ready to start my internship like yesterday...but i am excited to actually consistently update my blog and read it back or publish it at a later date.

today i was thinking about my testimony and how it isn't just that one turning point where i realized who my Father was (in fact i have two of those moments) but up 'till this day this hour this minute. idk every second i should be glorifying God and i am not. i spend time doing things that don't matter and that won't last and i am sorry for that.

the snow that we have idk it always makes me think of God. it is harder to deny that He is in control when we can barely predict how much it is going to snow or when and we can't prevent the snow...and it's effects on our society. i love that about snow. people were actually forced to relax and everyone had to shovel and stuff like that...idk there was no question to me who brought/made the snow.

i love Jesus.

peace.

good morning George how are you?

2009-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

i mostly quoted veggie tales because i love love love this song, this short video and the even the question how are you

how are you? i also answer good/great/awesome. it could be the worst day of my life and i still will say one of those three things, but lately i have been more honest with myself to pin point how i feel. usually excited and ready for anything!

i also really like the song slow fade by casting crowns. so i decided to attach because it humbles me every time:

People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

but i am starting to make sure that i see to it. i feel as i say knowing the Lord is my JOY.

the end, a bit random too

RIP Jane Schwab Wathall....

2009-11-22T20:40:00.000-08:00

wow it's a little weird to think about jane and how she has lost this battle of cancer. she is most def. in heaven which when you say that is supposed to make things more peaceful but i think it still stings. at least in the beginning.

i use to go to jane's house before or after school or both and just hangout. her and charlie would feed me and we'd sit in just chat about life and God and it was amazing because they gave me this glimpse of discipleship and how you go about living your life for Christ. it was so good for me esp. at the time because i was growing into my shell more.

jane would read my school news articles and watch me on tv it was just a great support system for me. i helped them paint there house and i stayed at their house a few time and helped them move into their new place in good ole' howard county. that is the last time i saw jane healthy. i saw he somewhere or at least a pic of her when the chemo started but then she was good for awhile...o nly to get worse.

it feels so weird to have one of the greatest mentors die, but i know that God has her wrapped in his arms and her family esp. her husband because charlie is amazing too.

thanks for everything jane and for just setting me on the right path. inspiration.

What is that you say to me?
You say that you have all the answers and you see what my life ought to be
I can see the need that I bear
What keeps me from your touch?
I know that if I let go
I know that I
I know that I..
I fall apart without you in my life, so I am running to you
Everything that I have known has failed me time and time again
I pray that you would not see me
not see me cause without you, I..
I fall apart without you in my life, so I am running to you

RIP J. S-W.

that's what you get when you let your heart win....

2009-11-18T10:38:00.000-08:00

And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating

God has his amazing ways of showing us that He is the most important no matter what. of course i am all sensitive over a boy who i had a total bad communication with, which i noticed by the fact that he is most def. dating another girl who seems pretty awesome. lol. but i realize how important God is despite everything and its these kinds of things that humble and happen for a reason....

i had in my head one thing which was totally construed in my head about him being perhaps "the one"...but God is good. all the time so let us continue to show devotion despite any setback. because a set back for you is not a set back for my Lord.

"here come better days"

today i fell, and thank God my Lord and Savior caught me....

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive...

2009-11-13T05:29:00.000-08:00

this song my david crowder is inspiration enough for an update:

the lyrics are:
and I cannot hold it in
remain composed.
love's taken over me
so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.

This concept of God being my joy is beginning to ring true. Joy is more than a feeling it is almost a way of being. Just like loving your neighbor is something more than you do or worship being more than that "sunday thing"...

it has been really good to reflect on the Lord being Joy, and best of all my joy.and i have found a church that i am enjoying until my internship and as much as church can sometimes be annoying i have realized that there is no such thing as a perfect church and i need to stop looking at what church can do for me. the Lord is my joy and nothing else matters, but Him.

may i continue to remember that God is all i need.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

i will not be neglecting this blog again, anytime soon.

tash

weeping, knowing we have been touched.

2009-10-07T11:20:00.001-07:00

the david crowder bands new cd is great. i am really bloggin' to share this video its wonderful.

the car shield story...

2009-10-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

this story was while i was on my way somewhere. and about to make a left turn on highway 30. kids were crossing the street to go to there soccer game racing sown the street.

two kids across the street kept playing with the cross the street button trying to go across but all the cars were still going. i kept my eye on them as to not hit them but their coach was in a car and saw them. when they finally crossed the street the coach slowed down with them to match their walking pace to make sure that no one went to drive across the street. if i had turned i would have hit him instead of those kids...and any other car for that matter.

i looked on with awe. this is a split glimpse into the amazing character of God. despite the commotions of the intersection the car slowed down to protect those kids....despite the chaos of our world and out ignorance looking both ways before crossing the streets of life..God chooses to go slow and staying with us.

and you know i dont think the kids noticed exactly what there coach was doing and other people who wanted to turn i think got a little frustrated but...i saw God in this coach and it was amazing. knowing that God is with me when i cross the street : )

know that our God is holding and protecting you across those busy intersections of life we get into.

the inflated mattress story...

2009-10-04T17:13:00.000-07:00

living here with my cousin i have been sleeping on an inflatable mattress...and if you know anything about these mattress they aren't as comfy as a bed but they take close second and people usually pull them out for guests that stay 8 days not 8 months but yea... ummm this one well the first one deflated and suffocated me basically the second one idk broke before i even used it and the third one....well here is the story

it got a hole in it the week i went away to ship most likely from the little cousin, noah, jumping on it...anywho it got a whole in it and i kept pumping it up and decided that i should just let it deflate because it would be like sleeping on a sleeping bag.

two things about this bed it is to this day not like a sleeping bag and wow...i do not come up with brilliant ideas ever soooo anywho i thought sleeping on a deflated bed would just help me be humble every morning. i have tried not to complain at all about sleep or lack there of and im kinda enfolded as if God were in fact holding me at night it isn't bad at all really but in our world to our world it sucks big time.

and my cousin noah wanted asked if he could sleep in my bed on time recently and i said yes not thinking about the deflation aspect with two people in the bed....but he did sleep in the deflated mattress with me and so well that night.

and i immediately thought about G-O-D. and this whole humbleness/faith as a child. the fact that noah wanted to like really wanted to sleep on the mattress but more so he wanted to sleep next to me and it seriously was really about being near me,,,and this is like God. we need to want to be near to him whether it's and deflated mattress or a hole in the ground...it doesnt matter what "comforts" and pleasures we like to spoil ourselves with it's all about God and being near to Him no matter what the circumstance.

this story is so much more fun in person but let us draw near to God...even on the deflated mattress.

God is our refuge, our shelter and our strength...

2009-10-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

lyrics from a song we actually sang at church two weeks ago but i am really liking this church plant. everyone is new and so kind. i just need to begin to get plugged in. it was so much easier in college but after about 17 churches i found the one i will stay with at least while i am here. brandywine grace church. and we talked all about how amazing grace is for the past few weeks which has made me want to stay even longer now. anyway.

i do this thing now where i think of sermons idk..more so bible studies i am not sure if i want to write a devotional book or something but i will share those in a single post later on tonight.

i havent updated in awhile but God is so good and keeps teaching me about forgiveness and faithfulness f to the second power if you will because they really go hand in hand and God is both and i am neither...and that is the Gospel for me : )

my little tid-bit bible studies to come. life is rough but God is still so good.

tator tash

1/2 and 1/2....

2009-09-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

this is week two of the chaos of nanny-ing for little Noah since he has started school. he def. keeps me sane and smiling

word fm today was talking about being 2/3 adult and 1/3 child at all times... I'm going to go with just about half and half because the things i learn from being around Noah and the laughter that comes with it is so great. he keeps me smiling despite what the day is bringing my way and he is a glimpse of our Lord for sure.

i love the sound of laughter. i hopin to get an internship for january if God allows it...who knows what he has in store for me post graduation but im tired of worrying about it...it's better to just let it happen because i am sure God chuckles when i show Him my plans.

tash

and though Your invisible i'll trust the unseen....

2009-09-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

these maybe my favorite moments...they are def. the glimpses when i see God the most when i am at the end of my rope...when i get annoyed or frustrated...it is good to know God is God always!

this week will be very busy and humbling running around and doing lots of things but it will also be great.

im a little behind on devos...ship kinda back tracked me but it's good to be writing in here again.

i am slowly realizing again how amazingly different God is from the world and how easily we can get caught up with the world and societal stuff without noticing....i will trust the unseen.

: ) tator tash

There is no place like....Ship.

2009-09-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

even though i am not here...at shippensburg i am enjoying the visit it really has been fabulous to see all these people i call my friends.

i feel like i have grown so much

yesterday was jammed packed i met with robin,gay,my old roomies, and such it was fabulous also chatted with amy for awhile BUT today was packed too:

i met with aaron,christine,kiersten,bree,keirsten,rachel,loni,matt,and then raquetball with g. it has been wonderful to be here and i feel comfortable and very relaxed. i also saw scott who just listen to me ramble i kinda feel bad, but ship is def. it.

i am soooo blessed i relaized with just wonderful people in my life. i didnt even know how many people would hug me when i saw them but i love hugs so much ummmmm andrew and seans especially BUT yes it's been a great visit and now i am visiting with some old roomies and celebrating my birth again.

i may actually sleep in tomorrow...i miss noah and the rest of the gang that i have been nannying with all summer tooo but i am enjoying the extended Sabbath i know abby would be happy to hear.

i am so glad to visit although i miss these that i graduated with dearly.

praise GOD from whom all blessing flow.......

tash tash

i also miss camp today.

there is more...

2009-08-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

it's not that i feel alone of left out or maybe it is that. i feel a little like cant do stuff without planning weeks in advance...and i am so broke which is typical of a college student : )

i miss Ship a lot...a lot a lot but idk good things are going to happen this year and God is def. moving i just know that there is more and that i am supposed to be experiencing it. so may i live like there is more...because God is always more...more than enough for me.

tash

it's been awhile since i could hold my head up high...

2009-07-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

well,

it's been to long things are well very well although i miss camp like i have lost half my soul. i have already started praying to the good Lord about next summer. there is nothing like Ligonier.

GOD and i are awesome and i am slowly learning how to breathe again, and growing in him. accountability is solid as i struggle to battle the forces that are against all of us here as a nanny.

i must be filled to pour out and i want to be overflowing with Him to spread about my family here.it has been a rough summer but i am going to get another job soon and hopefully interact and rock the world.

i hope i get this internship--more on that later.

love.

sing sing sing

leaning on the Everlasting arms...

2009-06-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

aint that the truth.

i have realized that my summer is supposed to be challenging in the fact that i am not surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses that i had at camp last summer. and i was asked at the end of camp last year what camp prepared me for in the school year and the answer is probably something but more so for this summer...being away from camp. and i know i am supposed to be here helping my cousin watching noah get older but i am just not sure how long.

we shall see if i can snag this internship and go from there.

decisions keep me trusting may i continue to rest in His arms. i have mixed views on church BUT it was good to go today. i walked, kinda spent some time admiring creation and i was just like ill go back to this church or know it's the right one if they play come thou fount one because its a great song and two its a camp song.

and it was two hours to debrief something else i learned at camp...

i love you LORD and i lift my voice to worship YOU...which is more than a song it's a life.

.end.

don' t be fooled non eof this is by my own stregth but by the glory of GOD....

2009-06-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

i have started my book, and i have begun to make ground i have one story done i am going to share an excerpt. i love my Lord, and want to serve Him only. i am on my way to camp tomorrow for just a short time, but i am so excited to see how the staff is doing and just how that taste of the kingdom is growing.

the excerpt:

A is for Ashleigh

It wasn’t her fault and yet she still seems to blame herself for what happened. And I know, she has forgiven him for what he did to her that day, in the Dominican, because I saw the crumpled note she wrote him, and I read the sincerity and the forgiveness between the lines and words on the piece of paper. She is never one to hold grudges against others, just herself.

the end.

Empanada Blvd...Deuteronomy 4:29-31

2009-05-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

it has been awhile. i doubt it will ever be this long again but i needed sometime to think not on here. haha. GOD continues to be amazing despite my lack of enthusiasm for the Life He gives.

empanada blvd. is a road that only can be found in texas. lol. the way my family eats them are with meat in the middle of a wrapped dough...resembling pie crust or something to that effect, and it made me think of GOD immediately, and how we are wrapped in His Love ever so tightly and it also good like an empanada. but i know that i have been feeling what i call under the weather since i have graduated and spent a little to long in the big state, but i am looking to know GOD better, differently, and that verse made me think of empanadas and the blvd.

i just think if GOD has us wrapped so tight in this empanda of love then why am i not continually praising His name. to think i actually get like a kinda mediocre love for Him and a blah feeling even though every new day is so new and every new day He brings is flowing with blessings and love.

i want to be hype every day knowing only He makes every new day feel so new.

it's nice to be wrapped in love.

putting down the rubber ducky...

2009-05-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

i don't know where to start considering it has been almost a month since i have posted but i will slowly be getting into this again...i miss blogging and always think of stuff i want to add.

i am beginning to write my book and get my life in order. i walked yesterday which was amazing and yet i have never been more confused with life God and my next step.

i am praising God from whom all blessings flow. and know that the Lord is God the Lord is one...nothing good can come from any other source so as i begin to slowly "enter the real world"
may i be challenged and stretched in ways that i never knew.

the end for now. love God. love people.

tasha

He is the Ressurection and the Life...

2009-04-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

i thought i would do reflection for Easter monday rather than Easter...no real reason but anyways it has hit me just this morning that He is the Resurrection and the Life..(John 11:25)

He doesn't just bring those to life changing elements He is them! which is just amazing and i feel like its one thing to be the ressurection revining people after they have died which brings hope but alsi to be that life it all so amazing but i just thank my Jesus for being both and revealing himself to me through these verses. It starts "I am" which is alwasy profound because everytime you read it is in present time....it wasnt i was which means sooooo much and then to see HE is the Ressurecction and the Life enough said....

happy easter

and april showers bring may flowers...

2009-03-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

i am patiently awaiting the may flowers. and with them comes camp and all things that make summer amazing : )

school is getting tougher as i seek out what is next amidst the tests, papers, and finals. i only have to hold on for 4 and a half more weeks and once may 2 is here I can relax knowing that everything will be fantastic!

I just need an internship for a week to be officially graduate. hooray, hooray first in the immediate family to go away and graduate which is only be the grace of God : )

now i try to figure out what i am doing next there is so much to pick from...o choices.

so these showers will bring flowers in May.. : )

even when i dont see You, i still believe....

2009-03-24T13:14:00.001-07:00

and i am not sure if i dont see Him but i def. have been missing the God mark at a time i feel on need to be in sync with Him.

and yet i can only wait to see what He is going to reveal. i am standing at point a and trying to stay still and loooook as far as i can to point b-c-d-e hoping to follow with my eyes to the exact spot they lead too, and the fact that i cant see that far only makes me discouraged and yet, i will never be able to see that far but just that next step down any one path. and the world tells me a-b the right path is always a -b, b leading to some nice secure job, with money and fame. and yet b-c-d-e are all fair options for me and i feel i dont see God on any of these paths, and yet it's more God is all over every square inch of all of them : )

which only is confusing me more and yet its just so co mforting to know that the God of the entire universe cares enough to cover every path with His prescence and even if i take one wrong step or one wrong path he makes it right he makes it straight. and i look forward to may 2 when i finally have to put my trust fully in Him and that next step.

AND i do now know that graduate school is a good option and BU has the beautiful program i would love to be in, but the problem with the future planning is we cut God out of them and we begin to think thats what i am going to do instead of this is my path of obedience.

faith is shown through obedience and that is all i want to do is be obedient, and i am not sure how that looks as i begin to move to this next phase in His story of my life but....it's time i was just obedient, because i have been doing my own thing way to long.

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

may i not be distracted by anything but You,

tasha

the questions are more important than the answers...

2009-03-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

welp, i haven't written on hear in awhile but i will tell you what i have learned in the past few days:

God is good all the time.

He is a God that performs miracles.

His ways are so much higher than are ways.

He will be back, hopefully soon.

There is nothing that He didn't ordain.

He covers every square inch of everything.

He answers prays and although it may not have been the answer you were looking for or expected its the one you needed and the one that He had planned for you.

Everything is preparing you for something else in His plan, but all for his glory!

Job was soooo faithful!

*Abba, I belong to you!*

he is not a tame Lion but he is good...

2009-03-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

i have begun to realize, that God doesn't always do everything in the most beautiful of ways but we always come out beautiful in the end..

and with that i continue to go through this ugly, messy, yet beautiful process of being made into who he wants me to be.

school is almost over and summer is about to begin, i hope and pray he can prepare my heart with the spring that has come, growing me and filling me with only him

and itll hurt, there will be pain, and mess and love mixed with the anger and beauty of truth because Hes not tame...but He is sooo good.

Abba, I belong only to you...

where to let this little light of mine shine....

2009-03-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

hide it under a bushel NO-im going to let it shine ; )

scott has send me on a journey through luke 4-10 so i will make sure to add a few snipets he says that what God has placed in my heart that cause me anger or is very unsettling. that is what my passion will be and i am going to dig into Jesus' interactions with people. because as far as i know i love people. which leaves me a wide range of things to do. anywho:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
¹⁹to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor..

im not sure exactly what's next but i want to write a book. im going to write a book and its going to be called "the faithful" i think and its going to be a story of people in my life and the last line for each one of their stories will be and they were faithful to God..i think it's going to be neat though i cant wait to start.

tasha

what you get when you let your heart win,,,,

2009-03-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

im rested but yet recovered on the trip as i try and tackle the next step of post missions tripdom. its an area i often find myself in after experiencing a life changing event and realizing that something needs to be done. change must happen.

and i dont know what that looks like but i know evans mentioned getting together as a trip group again which the issue i tend to have is that i must do everything on my own and thats why God is three in one for those relationships we are supposed to be forming our God is relational so im not sure why i thought id be okay taking on change by myself!

but yea hopefully God will continue you to direct me as i seek him.

onto editing glitters paper-hes a good guy!

atl recap: the week is over and yet our call has just begun....galations 1:11-12

2009-03-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

day six-thursday

we travel back today. one group went to stone mountain the rest of us slept in which worked out because drew drove and we pretty much finished the wall in the basement.

driving away was hard..because we can leave but i know there is a whole lot of hope here that safehouse brings that God brings. my heart hurt a lot while i was here. i felt like there was a burden over me and its still there and frankly i don't want it to lift because if i feel it so deeply it matters and God wants it to matter to me as well or it wouldnt be there.

where we stayed in safehouse you write on the wall before you leave so here is my last hoorah of what im leaving at safehouse for the next group to find:

dear reader,

know that what you are doing is just a start. there is so much more to be done. so much change that needs to happen-so whats the next step to bring home with you-so that you can change your world liek SHO is doing in atl? im not quite sure but hopefully together are generation of believers can figure it out and fast-because something needs to happen. He is a God of all strengths and endless possibilities so let's start taking God out of teh box and set goals and pray for what we think is impossible..so that it may be accomplished. Remember we are nothing and we are called to serve everyone. "serve any way you can"-drew

-anthony's story and challenge has changed me forever.

P.S.if your heart hurts as mine does everyday that you are hear interacting with your neighbors of the streets of atl pray that God will direct your heart from hurt into passion.

THE END

may we act not in guilt but in a abundance of love an d passion for social change...

atl recap: i was a fighter in desert storm and let me tell you that you guys are the real warriors out here in the hood at night preaching the Word...

2009-03-08T14:01:00.001-07:00

day five- wednesday

verses for today...mark 9:30-46 and drew was in luke too.

today we started with a lovely history lesson about the servant leader mlk jr. we went to the historic and looked at mlk's life we even met a guy who marched with jr. back in the day. a servant leader who has marked our world forever...he even has his own holiday. mark and i went to where he and corretta are buried and checked out the eternal flame. its so neat to know that someone so obviously full with the power of God changed everything.

faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole stairces.-mlk jr.
injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.-mlk jr.
vanity asks the questions is it popular? conscience asks the questions is it right?-mlk jr.

we went to the first ever chick-fil-a and saw nadaddy there from family force 5 which was neat, drew knew him and such.

picnic in the part was glorious, totally in God's plan a lot of us were wearing bright colored tees and liek smiles from ear to ear just playing around with a frisbee and football. it was just awesome to see everyone talking and having fun spatuala even had his fox tail. lol. it was like we were bringing his glory to the park it was amazing and i met dre. who eventually wanted my number and called me his peach. i just laughed. courtney got a husband pierre-what a guy.

midnight meals was a change in pace. we walked around in the dark handing out food to those that we had met that week. and we saw where they slept and those images wont leave my head for a long time if ever. im not even sure how i function knowing that injustice is going on all the time. we also met aisha that not and she had like 17 people praying for her that night. she said people ignore her walk away from her and that makes me so sad.

we also heard dave's testimony which was fabulous even if it was at 2am. amazing how God moves works and changes everything always for the good. he saved pastor dave from a lot of things.

stone mountain tom tom early in such.

<3 love the Lord with everything in your being.

atl recap: and i can use the soda caps as game pieces for my game.....1 corinthians 1:26-31

2009-03-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

day four-tuesday

i was offered a pretzel and gum today and that for some reason has rocked my world because i was offered stuff i have by those who have close to nothing in comparison and yet they are so rich with God...i want that i need that!

so today was unlike any other our cru was homeless all day walking the streets of atl. we headed across town over 10miles im sure too all the parks including jurassic and hurt. we went a lot of places where the homeless knid of hangout peach and pine which was gross-atlanta union mission which was much better. we walked a whole bunch more saw a drug deal some 5$ bags lying on the street, but we have gotten to a point where people remember us and that makes me smile and has been so awesome to see...

i met craig today who dale would def. say has "boss" poetry skills and it was awesome to hear and talk to him about his poetry and he was so excited to tell me all about and i am going to look for them one day and be like "wow" i met that guy int atlanta before he was huge.

it gets a little close to home for me that i could have been anyone of these awesome folks we met at safehouse, and it gets so real for me being here my dad was a drug addict-very hard drug user so to see how drugs does destroy some people's lives is so real and me and my mom left when we did because he would have taken all my mom's money at the time but God has def. blessed me and i can't thank Him enough for all of this luxurious life i have and bill gates may be rich to me in ship but im rich to these great quality folks of atl that are homeless. and im not sure why it gets so hard for me to praise the Lord when here the homeless are so open and honest with their faith its amazing to see first hand.

the abandominuim visit.
getting away from the cops.
crystal.
the lady who saw me a woodroff park for the first time and then gave me the biggest hug when i saw her at safehouse that night.
the kids there with there father.

to you oh Lord be the glory!

atl recap: and everyday you are not in the dust is a blessing.......ephesians 2:1-10

2009-03-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

day three-monday

it was an interesting day and we got to see donna even though only half are group knew her but yes we moved toliet paper all day at peach and pine. it has been really crazy in such but i praise and thank my God for:

an electric socket
heat and air conditioning
a heavy coat
gloves
socks
scarfs
my hat
food always available to me
a clean sleeping bag and pillow

i cant be the same i wont be the same after all of this-i wont allow it and i hope that you as a reader can hold me accountable. i cant explain what happened to me but i do know that everything must change about the world we are living in-we all have it wrong but christians have it wrong the most "let our hearts be broken for the same thing that Jesus' heart is broken for" and i feel liek are hearts may be chipped but they arent broken...

im constantly seeking discerment for what this looks like but we are def. as believers called to more and the we should be known for what we are for rather than what we are against.

there is so much more i could add to this...without pain we would not accomplish all that He has prepared for us in his plan all He desires and such. an i am learning to look at what God has done thorugh others more and more and may the love of Him on this trip touch our friend Becca that she may see al that God has done and continues to do-she came with such a beautiful servant heart only found in Him,

our prayer was good tonight and although some very interesting things id say it eneded well. i think that walls were broken i just hope it lasts through the rest of the time we have here.

*sigh* i want more time to reflect each night and just a time to focus in on what God is laying before me, i am really seeking that next step for when i get back to the ship but i dont have answers yet.

im preparing my heart for a day of homelesness as i close this day of discernment, prayer, and...

atl recap: and with my first pay check im going to buy an alarm clock...ephesians 3:16-19

2009-03-07T15:09:00.000-08:00

day two-sunday

remember anthony and the stories he told.

no socks no hats no jackets no electricity no roof and yet so rich in Jesus

im not sure how to handle everything. so much has been given to me and so much is expected of me and i haven't been upholding my end of the bargain or the life in Him which i have chosen. they aren't "those people on the streets" the homeless shave names and faces and incredible stories. stories just like you and i. and we often forget that Jesus didn;t have a home but in heaven so on earth he was homeless as well.

these two guys had the same God as i and were passionate about the word. they memorized scripture because that is what helped them and now im not sure what is next for them or myself but surely they have been blessed beyond measure despite circumstances because their faith shines for miles and miles, and radiates the streets of atl. william is buying an alarm clock with his first pay check and i have 4 that i dont even use because of my cell phone. 5 alarm clocks i hold as william spends his pay check on one that already has more value.

and then i spoke with anthony who has totally changed my outlook on everything. can i do something? anthony has challenged me to do something-and God has been challenging me forever to do something but i cant figure out that next step and im not sure if peopel realize where i am coming from. homeless people in atl mostly black, about 80% of black people are in jail and i look at these stats and want to know what went wrong. and i look at where stats tell me i could be if it werent for the grace and mercy of a wonderful God. and i thank God but that i have learned is not enough i need to be acting.

it is not enough on the streets of atl to meet the needs we need to equip others so that they may turn around an do it to someone else. circumstances are never so bad that you can't praise God but better circumstances help...

the injustices of our country facing these 300 some people just at safehouse but so many others in atl and the nation and the world.

we took a tour of the city in the van as it snowed. we went to jurassic park, and some other places in midtown, most of the homeless were else where because of the snow but still...shelters full, stooops covered, drug attics, prostitutes, homosexuals they are all here on the streets looking for someone to solve the problem not just meet the need.

'i dont know what that looks like yet" i told anthony with the red cap and the white cursive "k" on it. "And how is that going to help me " he said. "ill be dead before you and your generation can solve the problem and it seems that people are doing a whole lot of talking and planning and not enough acting you need to act."

do i need to act...and how no i can't save everyonebut shouldnt i be in the mindset that i can dream big and that God would do the impossible if we'd just let them. and yes the poor will always be among us but what we could get it down to just 1 or 2 people : ). solve the problem to meet the needs.

this doesn't even begin to cover the handing out of clothing items-because everybody wanted something and such ohhhh. pure craziness. jackets, hats, scarfs, and people asked and asked for socks. i had some on my feet i could have given away we all did.

i have learned a lot about myself and the "homeless" for lack of a better term but life changing.

atl recap: voices of heaven....matthew 25:34-39

2009-03-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

day one-saturday

dear reader, i have been called to go to atlanta over spring break and now that i am here i have never felt more in and out of my comfort zone ever. im comfortable because i am in the city, i love the city and it continuous to open my eyes to new things. i am uncomfortable because i dont know what is next and i have become very vulnerable and almost transparent within my comfort if that makes any sense.

today the trip down wa slong with the cru but once we got here we had about a ten minute orientation and then we were off mingling with the poor, the homeless, those that people often choose not to love and kick out of the churches under the radar-Jesus essentially matt 25:35-40 says it all..but idk i am struggling to not look to far ahead but i am engaging all my opportunities for my future-i will probably apply to their internship program because i like what they do here and what they stand for.

i have a passion for people and for change and when i see it i want to join the cause and the fight. i want to join something until i find out what i want to do, i want to help until i know what my very own cause or fight should be and what it should look like. and i never thought about just helping other causes and fights forever instead of a career because i am always looking big picture. all i know is i love people of all ages and hope and pray i can find the place where GOD leads meso that i can see Him and serve Him.

today as we started i focused on psalm 130 and i will wait, but as i do i shall serve.

i met rebecca, greg, john, steve, william, harold, and so many more and they all hold Jesus so dear to their hearts. may i take hold of what they have.

good conversation and talk...

-na

reflecting on spring break... the descriptions

2009-03-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

welp, instead of putting it all in 1 post my next few posts will be from the trip journal i took. let me tell you i have never learned so much in a week especially about the homeless. i was with 14 other students from ship in the urban city of atl, georgia...hotlanta if you will, interacting with the homeless and it was amazing and life changing..with Jubilee followed by this spring break i am good to go for a while on learning and as i begin to engage in what i was learning i hope to make a difference. im not sure if i will post them all at the sametime but here's the overlook and description before i dive into typing up these stories each day will be labeled and be titled by a memorable quote of the day.

we have the cru: which consists of 15 college students from ship u; becca-court-dale-felecia- spatula-glitter-brenden-yeager-good-aaron-ezra-andy k-pole runner-culler-and me.

drew: the awesome leader of our group who works at safehouse leading groups he also has 2 cute kids and a wife, alecia.

john: an awesome volunteer at safehouse who just happens to be homeless..he knows the streets and the culture and help lead us around with his friend..hes the only family he has and hes part palestinian

steve: a veteran, homeless, goin in for surgery next week because he has cancer, has a daughter, and used to own a million dollar landscaping company

dr. dre: a awesome homeless guy i met in the park he was funny and told me a lot about other homeless guys and gals

rolph: not really sure how to spell his name but he was a sweet homeless man in the wheel chair..he had a cruch on court.

ronald: has a job and is doing his best homeless but his next pay check he will be spoiling himself and he loves to travel. cali is next on hs list.

aisha: has HIV and a baby on the way both because she was raped, she just wanted a blessing and a meal that night

anthony: probably my most memorable conversation of the break he challenged me to do something now..and stop talking and start acting

will: used to be a wrestler and you can tell!

crystal: has a 4 year old and a baby that was so little and skinny and needs to be cared for so much better than he is...he couldn't even hold his head up

sarah: nice lady who also works at safehouse she was so sweet and engaged even though she didnt have to be

rob: also works at safehouse, cool kid, and d.j. he knows his music and has seen glitter's brother perform

pastor dave: one of a kind awesomeness, cool guy with a big heart he picked on dale and aaron haha

donna jo: the shipmate who came to visit

leblanc: another cool cat who used to work at safehouse and still helps out

dominque: looking for money but all we could do was pray for him he had just lost his brother and his job i think

greg: another cool homeless guy who always remembered my name; he has a job too and even though he didnt want to talk to us at first he opened up a lot

phil: president of safehouse...coool dude

the list could keep going and going and going william, johnny, thomas and his friend, ashley from j. rockets, scott from peach and pine, and so many more

and for places

lets see here we ate at chick-fil-a, johnny rockets, and the varsity, arby's and wendy's

we visited parks: jurassic, hurt, and one witha W which I can't remember all had homeless people dwelling in them.

sacred heart: lets homeless on their stoops but won't shake there hand if they come to service

united methodist church: across the street from sacred heart and let's anyone in but won't let the homeless sleep on their stoop

peach and pine: a shelter that has no limits and won't turn homeless away; "hell hole" is what a lot of homeless call it and they refuse to go there because you go in with nothing and come out with something you don't want...

abandominium: an old abandon historic site n the heart of atlanta where a lot of homeless peopel stay and a lot of bad stuff happens.

atlanta union mission: doing well so much bette rthan peach and pine on so many different levels

safehouse: where we stayed and helped giving the homeless a hand up not a hand out

hand out's don't help anything we need to solve the problem not meet the need.

the lenten post for ash

2009-02-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

what wikipedia said: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/lent

i am not really sure this year what is going to happen these next 40 days. being raised episcopal lent is always a huge time to give something up and since i havent fully decided besides being a good steward of my money i feel like instead of taking something away i want to add something...

i will decide within the next few days what i am going to add but i know that it will be something along the lines of a deeper understanding/devotion for God. i am yearning for more...as i am unsettled and unfocused. i feel like my heart is heavy for something i am just not sure what and there is no real way to explain this feeling unless you have felt it. i am doing fine a little stressed but that will be over soon enough but something more is weighing in on me and i pray it will slowly change into the weight of His glory...

some widgets we shall call them

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I Said where you been, he said ask anything
Where were you?
When everything was falling apart
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of first and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

......may he lead me into what's next.

Tasha

i'm waiting for You, Lord and i am hopeful...

2009-02-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

let me tell you the lyrics to this song are right where i am..

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

i'm waiting for direction and guidance to decide what's next and all i know is that as i wait i'll serve Him and worship and all the stuff that makes me who i am and to show love because that is what i am called to do and this week is going to be crazy it's not possible for me to get everything i need to get done done today and for the rest of teh week but i do know that God is capable of doing the impossible and get me through this week.

my weekend was awesome to hang out with just a family i know i can call my own and bible study was great just discussing the emotions of people and those feelings that hang because of our past and although God erases the past those feelings must be dealt with or we can not be effective loving God with all our heart and soul and mind strength and that's what bible study was about and people chimed in with verses but for young adults young christians to sit together in a room and just chat about what's on our hearts and how that changes our interactions i think was just so remarkable feeling because God was there which was awesome but i saw fireproof and it was good and i called camp and im ready for God im ready to wait and serve and wait and worship knowing He will come through!

may our generation move something and change everything in His name.

adonai.

tasha

this is your life are you who you want to be,,,,

2009-02-18T18:53:00.000-08:00

the question is who do i want to be. cco is a no-go as of now with no first round call backs but im not sure whats next.

"let tomorrow worry about itself" right? and to be honest im not really sure that im worrying all that much. the last time i had a transition like this was to college and i picked ship my last choice bottom of the list no chance lame choice which turned out to amazing and exactly where i was supposed to be which reminds me a little of david getting chosen or joseph rising up.

and now that i have new decisions i know God will reveal to me something when i need to know. what i do know is that i will be at ligonier this summer unless something changes but GOD HAS BEEN MAKING THAT CLEAR. not just because i like it and the people are awesome but because that is where i am supposed to be.

the next step is my only question that i am seeking answers for now. what i do in the fall instead of ship and such...

aiiite im out

there was this one time in south dakota...

2009-02-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

and then the mother said the only reason she was saved was because her friend saved her and the friend got up and said the reason he was save was because his saved son saved him and then the son got up and said the only reason he was saved was because of God.

and she told me this story the other night and how it impacted her and i pray that it can continue to "at the end about 15 people were standing up" which was jsut so powerful to me.

i love you Lord, may i be a source to anyone who needs a glimpse of you.

peace.

God has a hold of me through the chaos we call the weekend....

2009-02-16T19:44:00.001-08:00

im not sure if i ever learned so much about myself in one well in awhile we shall say...all the interviews and the bad transition right into jubilee were crazy crazy and it will continue until i learn how to time manage and understand the God is in control always...

pittsburgh is a nice city and i wouldn't mind living there it will just take sometime to know what's of God and what is safe and discernment is soo key so we shall see where God leads me whether it is youth ministry or college ministry or national guard who knows all I know is that God has a hold on me..and won't let go. which is good because there is a storm.

au revoir.

culture in the city...

2009-02-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

it's surely a mix of corporate america and unrban-ness. the business meets urbana if you will...

it started this morning 'round 5 i woke up to finish French work..i have to get so much together to leave for the weekend...scott and robin journeyed me in and i was at the train station for a good hmmm 5mins and then decided to walk to the museum...on the way this guy driving way to fast hit a pothole full of water...soaked

soaked from head to toe but it was okay haha becasue it was a good day with no class and no responsibilities. It's so good to get a break let me tell you...okay art museum was 3$ for students total awesomeness....then i went and got lunch at strawberry square at the lovely taco factory...the pico de gallo was so good i just sat and ....watched people

watched people and how they interact with others and how they move so fast haha. im a slow walker anyways i just thought i'd actually ya know document my life for a change. so you can get a full glimpse of my thought process...i am awaiting patiently my train and can't wait to get on board and focus on thes interviews in such! which yea...will be really good...i may get a pretzel but i wasn;t expecting my meal to be 5$ but yea..i am so on a budget these days ....

and these interviews coming should be a good discernment of who i am...and what my future holds for me.. i can't wait for God to move and my hope is in HIM alll in HIM and that hope is promosed to give me a future...so i may do my work...

signing off.

i am spiritually exahausted....

2009-02-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Exhaustion means that our vital energies are completely worn out and spent. Spiritual exhaustion is never the result of sin, but of service. Whether or not you experience exhaustion will depend on where you get your supplies. Jesus said to Peter, "Feed My sheep," but He gave him nothing with which to feed them ( John 21:17 ). The process of being made broken bread and poured-out wine means that you have to be the nourishment for other people’s souls until they learn to feed on God. They must drain you completely— to the very last drop. But be careful to replenish your supply, or you will quickly be utterly exhausted. Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment from God. We owe it to God to be our best for His lambs and sheep, as well as for Him.

Have you delivered yourself over to exhaustion because of the way you have been serving God? If so, then renew and rekindle your desires and affections. Examine your reasons for service. Is your source based on your own understanding or is it grounded on the redemption of Jesus Christ? Continually look back to the foundation of your love and affection and remember where your Source of power lies. You have no right to complain, "O Lord, I am so exhausted." He saved and sanctified you to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that He is your supply. "All my springs are in you" ( Psalm 87:7 ).

thanks you utmost for his highest devo.

all about me....

2009-02-01T12:37:00.001-08:00

okay so here are 26 things that people should know (no particular order)

1. i love God and yet i have begun to hate organized religion
2. people are my primary source of energy
3.i still am not sure what i am going to do with the rest of my life and don't really care
4. my mom raised me by herself and i thank God for her every day
5. my biggest fear is letting people down
6. i love all my family despite dysfunction
7. my favorite color is orange
8. my favorite sound is laughter
9. my little cousin Noah is my inspiration for a lot of things i do
10. my friends are my siblings
11. i love guy friends more that girl friends and have more
12. i do not like geraud
13. i have been looking forward to heaven for a long time
14. i have had crushes on many guys who will never know
15. not a day goes by when i don't miss those who have died that were close to me esp: Jay Grove, Elsie Boston, Brandon Ross, lil' Brennan Nettingham
16. Camp this summer was life changing because of my campers and all the great staff i grew to love
17. i don't have a best friend
18. im dreading making decisions about who will be in my wedding party
19. i love to encourage others
20. i miss everything about high school and middle school including the church and friends
21. i have never met my dad or my grandmother
22. my mom recently moved to texas and i really don't like her being that far away
23. God sustains me
24. i am sooo broke
25.music is a way of life for me
26. being single is so much less stressful than being in a relationship

i am ready to grow, dive in, and really start living....

2009-01-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

this unexpected snow day, and lack of money has got me thinking about everything and i am ready to live for more than the world...

i am not sure what i was doing before but i am so ready to live for more than that. more than whatever i have been doing up to now i am ready to grow.

chapter one of screwtape says that the devil is a liar, jargon is a way for the enemy to use us for himself and that what we call "real life" we need to check because it could be very skewed.

signing off.

we're wasted no no we're all wasted.....

2009-01-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

these are the beginning of my new fav. song. it makes me think of like just what C.S. Lewis made so clear in screwtape letters about how none of us are good and we all for short and as soon as we beggining to think we are good it is our own downfall..and between this and dave on sunday talking about anxiety worry...

he says anxiety is when we try on our own to be omniscient and esentially play God and this made me think so much because yes, i do worry but anxiety which i have been blessed with not struggling with although seems to be about not controlling everything or the lack of controlling anything...and yet its rooted in thinking that we actually know everything or the failing of that knowledge we seem to think we have so yes we're all wasted thats why Jesus came and in our anxiety and worry and future plans we forget God...something else that was actually mentioned in screwtape but we forget God....and in the old testament over and over again God says that since we have forgotten Him He will forget us.....

so why hasn't HE?

Jesus because Jesus was forgotten instead of us an in turn wingle gurl put it well since He was forgotten we are remembered and remeber Jesus because He was forgotten this is so think and so deep i love it.

me

the reflecting begins...

2009-01-20T17:05:00.000-08:00

being a senior now i take a new perspective on everything...

if i never talk to some people from school again what will they remember me as..and i want to be good and if it's good that means it has to point back to CHRIST.

may my life-song sing to YOU in my last semester.

after thoughts...

2009-01-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

and dear you

and dear me

i found this in my phone.notes.secrets.poem.go:

the hope that passes with each car...
the pain that enters with each breath...
the love that exits in each moment...

so i hold on to what i know with each breath of pain and struggle You comfort fully as you wholly heal my brokenness embracing Your touch

something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...

2009-01-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

familiar to some in my fav show friends, but i thought about it just now as i contiplate my world as it is.

talking, working, breathing me taking everything for granted so easily and yet something so loving as God should never be taken for anything [especially for granted]....a friend and i talked about God still talking in parables and the girls and i discussed miracles and what they look like today and i drop my jaw in awwww.

i finally understand that i don;t understand any of this stuff i called the world because it's so skewed by our sin. and as i let God out of the box i begin to see that people are doing great things than walking on water...and everything can be reverted back to the kingdom..

washing dishes how with a little soap...or blood...they are clean as are we; and rain and water halping things that it comes in contact with like the Lord and his steadfast mercy and love...grow; watching redemption all over hollywood....it's ahhmazing how everything points to Him..everything

may i take the time to realize who He is
and now i ask myself these three/four questions

what am i doing?
who am i doing it for?
and why am i doing it?
what are the ends to justify these means?

the answer is Him so "so long self it's been fine but I have found somebody else"

<3

not producing fruit, and that is humbling...

2009-01-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

and wingel tells me differently. im faithful and probably need a heart change and if that is not Jesus then idk what is. yes i need a heart change at the most inner part of my being so my fruit can be bright with color and edible...and worship.

worship is giving God the best that He has given you.

and i am not sure i have done that, i am not sure that i am doing that, but HE is faithful. in the book of amos chapter one it talks about what the LORD says and he is bringing His wrath on edom and other places, but it is all because of the way they have treated others the injustices that they are bringing on other people and God sees it as an outrage..

i want my fruit to bring HIS justice....

<3

that the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way

2009-01-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

today i miss camp.

it has been a good day and pretty productive but i do miss camp and more the environment. i miss the people. but i also miss high school and just the life i had then. my small group was fatastickle and i keep trying to get back there like just spiritually and yet life is different so my experience is going to be different.

itll be a challenge but i am looking to just overflow myself with God to outflow in to everyone i meet all semester and we shall see if i can do it. i have the accountability there just has to be some action on my part some deeper or shall i say higher desire.

and i know that He will still come through
even if i am prone to wander

i just thought of these lyrics....

And I'll give up the world for you
There is nothing I'd rather do
Than walk in the light of the truth
knowing that you will still come through
I know that you will still come through

hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.

2009-01-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

and here we go with another semester...another season of learning if you will...

and i am hoping that i catch sight of the Son because i feel like i have been on autopilot these past few weeks. not myself and yet not different from myself either. that lukewarm medium that i seem to fall into...anyways as the new year is now in session i thought id share my resolutions:

i graduate in the spring and hope that this semester i can laugh a lot at myself and with others because its the greatest sound ever and i love to laugh. i want to relax knowing that GOD himself has everything under control and i just have to go with it because everything is taken care of. i also when it comes down to it want to graduate. not sure about my dad side but on my moms side and my moms moms side (grandma crazy) i will be the first to do so- renie and later my mom so it is going to be a big deal. and i cant wait to be done and yet i am so sad to leave all my friends and great memories i have had at ship. its been a good place for me.

anyways i am hoping that i can catch sight of the Son this new year in all his glory. may i feel the weight of his glory.

other resolutions include:

weekly SABBATH
passionate PRAYER
learn to be SELFLESS
RELABILITY AVAILABILTY
KEEP IN TOUCH
6:7 DAILY DEVOS
weekly RELFLECTION
less PROCRASTINATION

use me, guide me

2008-12-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

i have a job now with cco. probably the most exciting thing for me since sliced bread but yea, its good to know that HE provides. i am applying other places but def. nervous knowing that the future is near.

being in tx has been a nice break form my fast paced world called school, but change is going to happen with me and how i sometimes ignore GOD or don;t do the things i am called too. may i begin to truly follow the perfect exampl of CHRIST's life...

there is a quote- act-like you believe don't just say it-that is paraphrased form Gary H.

i need to read more and seek GOD more. RENEWAL

and it can't be a change of action, it has to be a change of heart...

2008-12-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I'm here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time.
This pattern seems to be the story of my life
Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

'Cause I promised myself I wouldn't fall
But here I've fallen
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

i have tried to do it all on my own once again and that does not work. but i am learning the the LORD sustain-eth literally! and that has been amazing with HIS peace that passes all understanding..

love.peace.

long run update...

2008-12-03T08:12:00.001-08:00

it has been awhile since i have posted and i was trying to figure out why while sitting here at work...

i have been doing well, GOD continues to bless me despite my ignorance, lack of faith, and half heartedness. i have enjoyed where HE has led me and i am going to continue to rely on HIM as i start looking for jobs. i changed my cco interview because i felt i was supposed to. not sure why really, but i have begun to go with hunches. and i heard hey hey today by dispatch:

say what you want, say what you mean question yourself, are you really what you seem? say what you want, say what you mean question yourself, are you really what you dream?

and that got be thinking i love ghandi's quote: find a place to stand and move the world, and that is what i am going to do i am going to find a place to stand in HIM and change the world for the better- not just saying this, and talking but actually doing and being the change i want to see in others.

i love GOD, life and the culture we live in and i look forward to where GOD is going to place me to stand, and how HE is going to ask me to mpve the world because isn't that what we are calle dto do thorugh HIM change anything, change something to further the kingdom....may we be the light-

and actually shine.

everyday Sabbath...

2008-11-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

this is the update on my life...

i am starting to apply for jobs: cco, teach for america, and many more. and i have no idea what i want to do what i am supposed to do i don't even know what my gifts are anymore i question everything and question nothing at the same time

but in other news. one of my campers planned my wedding already and im learning to take everyday Sabbath....which is nice an drefreshing...accountability is going great and i just realized how much i love m@tt 4: in the temptation in stuff.

my job is going well and i just relized Ghandi was right when he said people who try to take teh religon out of politics do not know what religion is....what a great quote.

Hebrews 4:9-11 & Exodus 20:8

lunch..

2008-11-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

the saying goes there is no such thing as a free lunch....someone always pays for it and Jesus has def. paid for my lunch and dinner not to mention dessert..

this weekend was great and i burned my rope today on the bleachers near the baseball field because it was about time i stopped hanging on to it. it's been 'bout 3 weeks, so i should give up the stuff i have been holding onto and with this comes my everyday sabbath that i am starting because it is important to stay rested and as i live in rest and go about my day for HIM

trying to be more productive capitalizing on my relationships

in open fields of wild flowers....

breakaway....

2008-11-13T17:36:00.000-08:00

and here i am all of me

take my life its all for thee

hmmmm this weekend is the retreat and i don't think it could have come at a better time. i need to be breaking away from all these bricks, busting through walls in such...

to know that GOD has already broken the only separation

the watch

2008-11-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

and i looked up between the two pillars

and the little boy is running with his arms

wide open free running full speed or as far and fast

as his legs will take him and his mom

follows closely behind cringing at each crack

and crevice across the sidewalk that may

make him trip or fall and yet she doesn't close in

the space between them the boy keeps running

until the car comes speeding by in front of him

and then he turns and runs back towards his

mothers arms as she runs as fast as she can to enfold him

and that's where he is safe

they keep walking hand and hand together

through down the path

through my window I can see...

2008-11-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

i can see a whole lot but nothing of the future, which is fine because GOD totally has me. i see sunlight though..it's been this on going process to find what sin i'm living in but i realize its recognizing the sabbath. the holy day of the LORD....GOD celebrated and relaxed and chilled out because HE saw that HIS creation was good and although my creation or lack there of is not good i can relax and rest in the fact that HE is good and HE makes all things good.

i have had an interesting last couple of days but i am hoping to get everything in order...i have this new found need to get rid of everything i own and see how that goes. i feel like the less i have the more i can rely on GOD. or something like that it dosen't hurt to have less i can tell you that much...i love you soo much LORD and look forward to what you have for me.

cco apps in stuff are slowly underway..but onto the real story my friend broke up with her boyfriend and is pretty heartbroken but i realize that as she is crying i should be crying because i keep breaking up with a GOD who loves me more than any guy will.....and everytime we sin or decide to do our own thing rather than what GOD has called us to do we break up with HIM and i should be crying and asking HIM to return as top and only priority...i don't know-i think i have another poem about something i saw the other day.

tasha

becoming the enemy

2008-11-06T05:08:00.000-08:00

and i look like the enemy

the one that really need the change

living lukewarm in my own self-righteousness

and neck deep in my own sinful pool

i need change

because i am becoming the enemy

for the Army of GOD

bEAutIFUl CoLLISsION

2008-11-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

collision

as i become engulfed in YOUR Grace

the true depths of my heart shine through the bitterness, the lust, my own self-righteousness

all skewed across the floor

my sin becoming ever so clear before YOUR throne

the bruises of love

the waves of magnificent mercy

graceful tears

my face hits the floor before YOUR throne and my pride is cracked and broken

as i become engulfed in YOUR Grace

i become a new creation, whole

beautiful

Prayer Room Time

2008-11-06T04:56:00.000-08:00

instead of cell group i went to the prayer which was a little distracting because i was distracted by the lack of noise but yeah lets see here i wrote some stuff i probably will post later but i think it was good to step away from the busyness..i think i am going to talk to scott about it today and see what is next for me...

not sure what is next but i know the LORD has me and i know i have many Ebenezar's in my care a reminder of what the LORD has done for me and despite my lack of anything right now i know that thou art strong.

"praise GOD with whom all blessings flow"

"here i raise my Ebenezar"

i love you LORD and i thank you so much for loving me the way you do despite my laziness or willingness to move.

Natasha

voting rights

2008-11-04T04:11:00.000-08:00

i am not even sure who i am voting for right now, hopefully i'll know by time i get to the polls. i am excited to vote but neither candidates rock my socks and yet i am still expected to rock the vote ooooo the cruelty lol!

today is wingle's birthday so i am excited to hangout with her and perhaps swing dance we shall see. i'm not sure what the rest of my day looks like but i am going to be voting then staying up late to watch who wins....

more to come on this election hype we call change.....when really all we are getting is more of the same....6 figure rich guys who will rise up to truly care about the people...blah blah. Politicians make me laugh, and as i learn how to be one it makes me laugh because they have it all wrong.

tasha

we will embrace, we will embrace YOUR move

2008-11-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

i am not really sure what that looks like but i am slowly getting ready to embrace HIS move. i had a good convo. with wingle today just about the rope of fall retreat and why i didn't give up my thing that i held on to and i mean it just so happens that i didn't think i could give it up that night-1 because i was running around not stop during retreat and didn't have time to to dwell much on it and well that reason 1 & 2. i wanted to give up what i was holding onto for myself, but i don't think i am ready to let go. i think my schedule gets in the way of GOD at all times and i hope to overcome all that with a visit to the prayer room every tuesday evening just to get away and retreat i guess.

but i am learning to embrace HIS move because i don't want to do it on my own and i have learned that i need to delegate to people and delegate to GOD well maybe HE can delegate to me. i am having a good time though and looking forward to cco and getting everything squared away with that as i start to look for other jobs.

i would love to work at a summer camp sometime. and just haha hangout there but speaking of summer camp i will be on p-team for winterpalooza and maybe if i work at camp next summer i can be on p-team again which would be great but i miss camp..and look forward to winter celebrations.

love.peace of mind.

tasha